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Restless meanings
I remember being so young, I used to cry.
Over inevitable realizations, we each must die.
Cursing creation, for these desperations of why.
Still didn't understand the way these souls fly.
My place in the universe or these slices of pi
Just a slave to vanity with attachments of "My"
I'd rather be alone then disappoint in more sighs
Taken me years in self worth being overanalyzed
To see I'm surrounded by strips of old dead flies
Within fears that I've come to love & immortalize
My demons I'm still afraid to look into their eyes
Scared of hellos turning into more good-byes
So I run away, for Coastal Burnt Sunset Sky's
Yet, even my hope symbolizes ultimate demise
Too much information to try & contain
Too much inspiration for me just to refrain
The world is our oyster so go ahead & gain
Just remember the ripples & cycles of pain
Then Love on strangers to dance in the rain
We have one chance, don't die so mundane
Chasing a life of unrealistic comfort & purity
When in reality life is accepting our obscurity
Its a coming of age to this spiritual maturity
To see ourselves as we are, socially incurably
Understanding our void, in all of it's absurdity
You are but the god, over all this uncertainty!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2022-08-13 21:01
A really good job...
of rhyming with every line and all the variations. You kept it under control and making it coherent without seeming too forced.
I'm not sure that I could have kept it going as well. I'm not as big a fan of every line rhyme as this; I would prefer every other line. To me, it sounds a bit better as a sing-song kind of rhyming scheme. However, this is not my work and I commend you for the good job of keeping your rhyme scheme. I think that the word that you are looking to spell in line: "We have one chance, don't die so [mondaine], is spelled [mundane]. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Bullet423
Sun, 2022-08-14 12:20
Thank you so much!
I appreciate the review and perspective I'll fix the grammar in that line aswell, thank you!
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