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Purpose
Life is the best virtual reality
It's a place of unending pace and strife
But somehow we all wish for fantasy
What is the purpose of our life?
Some get protection through their gold
Others gains it by their fame
But we by the gun which we hold
Our hands so swift but with our mind we aim.
We've seen more killing metals
Even when we hate killing or the cause
How we wish to see more petals
Where there would be great applause.
Enemies lines we all cross
And so we lose track of time
The sound of each boom is so gross
But yet we must maintain the line.
Each metal fired comes with a prize
So glad but sad it wasn't my life
In God our hope lies
Imagine the pain in the eyes of their wife.
Uniform candies and medals are useless
We think less of gold and fame
Because all of it would be worthless
If we never return home to those who bear our name
What shall we do today?
View albums of joyful resonance
Or shoot all the way
In chants to their painful remembrance
We all have a purpose
Painfully we don't see ours
Maybe we are looking were we not suppose
Or should we keep searching for hours.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2022-05-04 11:42
This sounds...
like an observence of Memorial Day, [coming up soon]. A couple of things: I think that your observation of uniform "candies"
refers to the "ribbons of service" in different campaigns?
The line of [Maybe we are looking were we not suppose] Should perhaps be: [Maybe we are not looking where we are supposed to?] I think that this line could be amended to [Maybe we aren't looking at the supposed end?]
Thoughts that should be on all of our minds. Maybe some day... ~ Geez.
.
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Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-05-04 12:07
hello,
the subject matter you have chose to write about is too close to my heart. it chokes me up with pain. so I feel incompetent to critique. all I can say is; you have tackled it very well. excellent job of getting your point across.
*hugs, Cat
*
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