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Prisoner

A pair of wide eyes with nothing
to look at.
You ache for the gentle stroke
of the promising light.
Chin turned toward what promised
to save you.

A pair of limp arms, aimless and savage.
You're taken away.
Naked and confused. Sounds you'll never
understand. Fascinated.
A million hands crawl over your
helpless skin.

A pair of ears constantly ringing
with a promise to protect you.
You suckle at the hope of leaving.
I would miss home, too.
On the same breath, I would miss
being dead.

I remember you trying to hang yourself
off the back porch.

You didn't mean it.
You couldn't have.
You are just a dog.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Firstly welcome to Neopoet, and I must say you came in with a bang.
A very vivid piece. I fear that in some's sadness when they cry for help, as the tree in the forest, was there a cry if no one listens.
Not sure as Beau, who or what did what, this is a part that could be clarified, but your use of words and way of writing is very expressive.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

beautifully written I could never say I understand but stay STRONG

Thank you for the critique. I really appreciate it. I felt inspired as I watched the pets in my house and I was wondering if they felt intense emotions as we do. Obviously, a dog probably wouldn't go to an extreme such as that, but I wanted to draw comparisons between us and our animal companions. Well said, Beau and Ian. Thank you all for the comments.

author comment

Our dogs give us unconditional love, if only we could do the same for everyone we meet the world would be a lovely place to live in.
But we would learn nothing and would fall into lethargy, our Spirit needs this Earth life to learn of all things a Spirit cannot do.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Your poetry is brave, cruel and beautiful. A major achievement.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

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