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Prisoner
A pair of wide eyes with nothing
to look at.
You ache for the gentle stroke
of the promising light.
Chin turned toward what promised
to save you.
A pair of limp arms, aimless and savage.
You're taken away.
Naked and confused. Sounds you'll never
understand. Fascinated.
A million hands crawl over your
helpless skin.
A pair of ears constantly ringing
with a promise to protect you.
You suckle at the hope of leaving.
I would miss home, too.
On the same breath, I would miss
being dead.
I remember you trying to hang yourself
off the back porch.
You didn't mean it.
You couldn't have.
You are just a dog.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Sun, 2013-02-24 06:07
PadraicTheTerrible
Firstly welcome to Neopoet, and I must say you came in with a bang.
A very vivid piece. I fear that in some's sadness when they cry for help, as the tree in the forest, was there a cry if no one listens.
Not sure as Beau, who or what did what, this is a part that could be clarified, but your use of words and way of writing is very expressive.
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
vinnie16
Mon, 2013-02-25 00:00
great way to release
beautifully written I could never say I understand but stay STRONG
PadraicTheTerrible
Mon, 2013-02-25 18:22
Thank you, all...
Thank you for the critique. I really appreciate it. I felt inspired as I watched the pets in my house and I was wondering if they felt intense emotions as we do. Obviously, a dog probably wouldn't go to an extreme such as that, but I wanted to draw comparisons between us and our animal companions. Well said, Beau and Ian. Thank you all for the comments.
Ian.T
Mon, 2013-02-25 18:30
P the T
Our dogs give us unconditional love, if only we could do the same for everyone we meet the world would be a lovely place to live in.
But we would learn nothing and would fall into lethargy, our Spirit needs this Earth life to learn of all things a Spirit cannot do.
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
weirdelf
Wed, 2013-02-27 06:59
Great first posting! Welcome to Neopoet.
Your poetry is brave, cruel and beautiful. A major achievement.
cheers,
Jess
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