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In Praise of Wasps

Submitted by Steamboat_Denny on Sat, 2024-03-23 01:03

We adore the bees, for they bring us joy
Yet wasps, their kinfolk, get shear disdain
Everyone rejoices watching bees deploy
But assume that wasps bring nothing but pain
'Tis seldom asked "Is that indeed the case
That bees deliver flowers and honey
And wasps do nothing but assault your leg?"
After all, bees have still attacked my face
And left an unsightly wart on my knee
We pardon them for honey prized like nutmeg

Bees are loved for pollinating flowers
Yet they turn blind eyes towards pests like aphids
And wasps too posess similar powers
Except they feast on pests to save orchids
From an irreversible destruction
When either stings it's to protect their hives
Our judgement clouds from the difference in pain
And only one has honey production
So just with one do we value their lives
We treat the other with total disdain

A world without wasps is one without figs
With roaches, spiders, and gnats left unchecked
To devour the fruit and leave naked sprigs
The price of no stings is such an effect
Leaving Earth littered with unscavenged bodies
Left to decompose and propagate mold
No vinyards could prosper and hence no wine
Without wasps to diffuse yeast, grapes would freeze
Leaving no muse for the poets of old
To help compose every stanza and line

No Chuang Tzu's Butterfly, or The Prophet
Certainly no Plato's Symposium
Without assistance from wasps we forget
Has brought great wealth since the days of Priam
We'd have Beowulf and Eddas with bees,
Conjured from the less celebrated mead
Read voluntarily by few today
Imagine reason without Socrates
Drinking wine to gain the courage to plead
Argives to find meaning in every day

Nothing in nature is without a place
In an ecosystem where it's native
No species is too lowly to embrace
Nor shortcomings to vile to forgive
So when you see a black and yellow horde
Overlook the shiver sent down your spine
You'll know they're far from a ravenous host
And seek no pleasure in causing discord
Next time you pour yourself some brandy or wine
Thank the wasps for their role and raise a toast

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is a Keats Ode so any possible revisions I would like to still retain that form. I have submitted it to Driftwood though I haven't heard back from them, if it gets rejected I'll send it elsewhere
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-03-23 07:04

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "In Praise of Wasps" presents an interesting perspective on the often overlooked value of wasps in our ecosystem. It effectively uses the comparison between bees and wasps to challenge the reader's preconceived notions.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent meter. The varying syllable count in each line disrupts the rhythm and flow of the poem. For instance, the line "And wasps do nothing but assault your leg?" has 9 syllables, while the following line "After all, bees have still attacked my face" has 8 syllables. Striving for a consistent meter would enhance the poem's musicality and readability.

The poem also employs a complex vocabulary and references, such as "Chuang Tzu's Butterfly", "The Prophet", "Plato's Symposium", and "the days of Priam". While these elements can add depth and richness to the poem, they may also make it less accessible to readers unfamiliar with these references. Consider providing more context or using more universally understood references to ensure the poem's message is clear to a wider audience.

Lastly, the poem's argument could be strengthened by providing more concrete examples of the benefits of wasps. While the poem mentions that wasps "feast on pests to save orchids" and are necessary for the production of figs and wine, these points are somewhat lost in the larger comparison with bees. Focusing more on these unique contributions of wasps could make the poem's argument more compelling.

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Lavender

Sat, 2024-03-23 15:22

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Hello!
A concrete and inspiring ode. The rhyme pattern is tight, ababcde, I'll agree with AI that the rhythm is off a bit in some lines, but it still flows smoothly when read aloud, and has natural pauses. The stanzas are divided nicely with 10 lines each, and the theme of nature is very adoring and logical. Connecting the wasps to the process of creating wine makes the poem more relatable and inviting to the reader. Clever last two lines to wrap it all together. Have you considered punctuation? I see that you have a question for consideration and thought - perhaps an exclamation or two within the poem to emphasize the extraordinary points of the character and actions of wasps? Just a suggestion to be a bit more "Keats-like." ( I believe the word "possess" is misspelled) I love the language and theme, and I can sense the time and energy put into this wonderful work! Much here to admire! I'll return to read and enjoy again.
Thank you,
Lavender
(Best wishes regarding Driftwood!)

Candlewitch

Sun, 2024-03-24 17:41

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I do not know about rhyme patterns or any of that other stuff AI talks about. But I do know what I like, and I like what you have written. It is entertaining and informative. it is also ascetically pleasing. and a good read and investment of my time thanks, Cat

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