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Poison Pen Poem
This poem is a tasteless tear,
the first the poet’s shed this year!
One verse it formed, and then the flood
that bled, in ink, like precious blood.
This poem is a cry for help,
coyote’s howl or puppy’s yelp.
It’s pointless though, and quite absurd
to weave with woe each wasted word.
This poem is a poor excuse
for pent-up pain to be let loose.
A poet, out of shame or pride
should in her soul let sorrow hide.
This poem is a locust cloud,
a sacrilegious sinner’s shroud
that pours its poison on the page
and rains with ruthless, righteous rage.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Pretty weak title, any ideas?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2023-02-07 08:16
How about?...
Tracking Tears?
Your rhyme and meter are spot on, and with minimal punctuation,
you control the pace. I love that you used the exclamation point!
I felt the point of the knife pushed against the writer's heart.
The use of puppy and coyote as indicating the sorrow we hear in their
voices in the night, was an excellent choice. A good read, well done! ~ Geezer.
.
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Blue-eyed Bolla
Tue, 2023-02-07 11:58
Poison Pen Poem
Many thanks, Geezer, for your full feedback - and your title suggestion, which is very good. In the end I changed the title to Poison Pen Poem. Just came to me. Again, thanks for your excellent feedback; it's really encouraging.
KBloor
author commentRula
Tue, 2023-02-07 11:38
Love this
I like the use of language, the rhyme and rhythm.
I thought this poem deserves a better title, but that's only me. I have already enjoyed.
Thank you for sharing
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Blue-eyed Bolla
Tue, 2023-02-07 12:00
Poison Pen Poem
Many thanks, Rula. I took your helpful advice and made my new title: Poison Pen Poem. Hope you like. Again, thank you for taking the time to read my poor little rhymes.
KBloor
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2023-02-08 06:56
Evokes a feeling
Sometimes emotional pain needs a place to go. Sometimes we behave poorly. Sometimes we write. I find the writing has less consequences.
Nice job,
Tim
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-08 11:45
Poison Pen Poem
many thanks, Tim.
KBloor
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