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poetry

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Mon, 2023-04-17 12:00

One day, when all the poets die,
and there is left below the sky
just waters, kissed by lunar light
that gleam and ripple in the night;
let this, for you, be poetry.

When pens and quills have all grown cold,
take autumn’s glades of gleaming gold,
where fragrant fires and balmy breeze
do burn and breathe through trembling trees;
let this, for you, be poetry.

While lovers ‘neath the pearly moon
still sigh and sing and sweetly swoon,
with lips, that laugh and love and tease;
when beauty breathes from hearts like these;
let this, for you, be poetry.

When swifts and swallows swoop in spring,
and skylarks soar aloft to sing,
while sun sets silent off the shore,
and sea does seethe and rage and roar;
let this, for you, be poetry.

One day, when all the poets die
and in their graves the poets lie,
upon the heath, go fill your arms,
with honeysuckle’s tender charms;
let this, for you, be poetry.

Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
need help with title - any ideas, please?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-04-17 12:00

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

The poem "poetry" is a beautiful ode to the various moments and elements that make up the essence of poetry. The repetition of the refrain "let this, for you, be poetry" creates a sense of rhythm and unity throughout the piece. The imagery used in each stanza is vivid and evocative, from the "waters, kissed by lunar light" to the "fragrant fires and balmy breeze". The poem does a great job of capturing the different moods and seasons that inspire poets.

However, the poem could benefit from some refinement in terms of structure and pacing. The first stanza feels slightly disconnected from the rest of the poem, and the repetition of the first line in the final stanza feels somewhat anticlimactic. Additionally, some of the lines feel a bit clunky or forced, such as "with lips, that laugh and love and tease".

One suggested line edit could be to revise the final line to "let this, for you, be your poetry", which adds a personal touch and emphasizes the idea that everyone's experience of poetry is unique.

Overall, "poetry" is a lovely tribute to the beauty of language and the human experience, but could benefit from some tightening up in terms of structure and language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2023-04-18 09:02

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Oh, my gosh! Could this be any better? What a tremendous, lovely, engaging poem. I just love it! I hope you keep it forever in your heart. It is ... beyond words, really. Thank you for this treasured gift.
L
Personally, I love the title - lower "p" included. Simple, elegant - beautiful.

Blue-eyed Bolla

Tue, 2023-04-18 12:15

Blue-eyed Bolla's picture

Thank you, L, for your encouraging feedback. I truly appreciate it.

KBloor

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