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Pilgrim's Prayer

Upon the season’s sultry breeze
the lilac wastes her perfumed breath,
while sunlight streams through trembling trees
to light the land of midnight death.

Sad swallows sigh upon the wing,
with swift and song thrush singing soft;
the eagle, on his throne, as king
above the clouds soars safe aloft.

And I, a mortal, dare to dream,
although I’m quintessential clay.
Beneath the sky, in vain, I scheme
to conjure one who went away.

I whisper, “Father, where are you
on this sad, soulless winter’s day?
Your bones are cold and steely blue;
does soul somewhere still pine away?”

And by his long-neglected grave
I stand, all statuesque, and stare,
as grief, a gracious God has gave,
pours from my heart like pilgrim’s prayer.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
An elegy for my late Father, that is to say, a belated eulogy composed in the form of a tetrameter ballad.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Never had a real father figure. My father had a couple of good qualities, but...
Good work and even better eulogy for your father.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Many thanks, Geezer

KBloor

author comment

Are my tears enough to tell you how affected I am.

I lost my dad in May last year so the grief for me is still raw.

Bravo! This is a beautiful Eulogy.

much respect and my condolences on your loss.

Kindest Regards Seren

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Sorry to hear of your loss - my condolences. Yeah, my father died when I was a child. For so many years I could not even talk about him - the pain was too deep. I have found healing through poetry. It has helped me to express the grief I had held in for a lifetime. Again, thank you for your kind comments and feedback.

KBloor

author comment

I am so sorry you lost him so young I can't imagine not knowing my father as an adult, and I understand it being painful there are still losses in my life I'm yet to write about, poetry has been healing for me in so many ways I am so glad it has been for you as well, I can't truly ever express my grief at the loss of my Da and how much I miss him, he was 92 I was truly blessed to have him for so long. This I know.

You're most welcome I enjoy your poetry.

Kindest regards and hugs Seren

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Sorry you’re missing your father. Excellent write though. Nice job turning out emotionally charged poetry in such difficult times. True poet.

Tim

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