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Passion Flower

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Mon, 2023-03-20 11:43

She is my pretty passion flower,
my rare, romantic rose.
So, I’ll not pluck her thoughtlessly
from the garden where she grows.

Instead, I’ll simply idolise,
appreciate and praise,
sit still and simply study her
on those still September days.

She is my pretty passion flower,
my lotus in the mire.
She will not take offence at me
If I sometimes seem to tire.

I know that she won’t hold a grudge,
fall out with me or weep.
She’ll go on being beautiful
while her slave is sound asleep.

And when I wake, refreshed once more,
she’ll still sit there serene.
My mild, majestic passion flower:
she’s my faithful, floral queen!

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
dedicated to my darling wife, Lorraine
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Mr joghe

Mon, 2023-03-20 15:56

Mr joghe's picture

The title is okay with me. The imagery and use of language are good.
The theme of your poem appeals to beauty.

Fear not to ride on a rough road!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-03-22 06:15

Blue-eyed Bolla's picture

Thank you, Mr J. I appreciate your taking the time.

KBloor

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2023-03-20 16:00

Geezer's picture
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could resist a passionate poem such as this? She must indeed, be a rare and beautiful flower to elicit such praise.
The title is okay, [I imagine that it has been used at least a few times before]. Your language use is good, and it tells the tale of a beautiful flower to be admired. The rhythm and pace are great, and the theme is well-worn, but not hopelessly out of place.
It begins well and runs smoothly to the logical end. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-03-22 06:18

Blue-eyed Bolla's picture

Yeah, thank you, Geezer. Gotta agree with you about the well-worn theme thing. At the touch of love everyone turns into a poet. Lol. Again, many thanks for your insightful comments.

KBloor

author comment

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-03-22 06:19

Blue-eyed Bolla's picture

Thank you, E. Nowadays she merely rolls her eyes at my romantic outbursts. Lol.

KBloor

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Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-03-21 08:55

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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All fantastic. I have one suggestion and that is replace “slave” with “thrall”. It might shed some negative connotation which I’m sure you’re not going for.

Pretty perfect,
Tim

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-03-22 06:14

Blue-eyed Bolla's picture

Many thanks, Tim, for your helpful suggestion.

KBloor

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