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Parenthesis

I am a beta test
a thin-skinned receptor
a hypothesis; flawed
an occupational hazard.
I see my reflection in you
a placebo
a fun-house mirror
a retaining wall.
Precursive, sub-syndromal
vitamin-enriched
hypothetical as a gesture
an aperture lens, a fixture,
a past-due date.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Thanks for reading!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem titled "Parenthesis" appears to be an exploration of identity and self-perception, utilizing a range of metaphors and analogies to express this theme. The language is rich and evocative, with phrases such as "a thin-skinned receptor" and "a placebo" suggesting a sense of vulnerability and deception.

However, the poem could benefit from further clarity and coherence. While the use of abstract and scientific terminology such as "beta test", "hypothesis", and "sub-syndromal" is intriguing, it may create confusion for readers who are unfamiliar with these terms. It might be beneficial to consider whether these words are the most effective way to convey the intended meaning, or if there are simpler alternatives that could be used.

The structure of the poem is also somewhat disjointed, with each line appearing as a separate thought or idea. This may be intentional, reflecting the fragmented nature of the speaker's self-perception. However, it could also make the poem difficult to follow. Consider whether there are ways to create more connections between the lines, perhaps through the use of recurring images or themes.

The final line, "a past-due date", is a powerful ending that suggests a sense of expiration or obsolescence. However, it's not entirely clear how this relates to the rest of the poem. It might be helpful to provide more context or build-up to this conclusion, to ensure that it resonates with the reader.

Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of language and a unique perspective on the theme of identity. With some refinement, it could become even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

this reads like a waterfall cascading word after word...line after line. It comes rolling of the tongue. I like that! Your analysis of yourself being many things all of them very much alive and functioning. Welcome to Neopoet, we are glad you have chosen to join our family of poets. I would like to read more of your work!

*always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

are you having trouble with responding to your comments? Can I help you somehow?

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Following a creative analysis of yourself. I suppose we are all some type of punctuation. How did you come up with the title? Well done.

~RoseBlack~

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