Pain Made
Trapped in my prison
Built through many lifetimes
Paid for with debt of my crimes
Created this fortress with my own minds design
each line adding more making me knobs for the doors
designing the handles personally for my cabinets
impulse-built bushes, a driveway, and a barn.
dark, cold, and lonely house made of memories
while my doorbell screams out of darkness and nothing more
I painted the inside with pain and loss from my core
Mixed in regrets of why or what-ifs
Stained everything with all past trauma
guilt built each window anxiety making the seals
insecurity bored up doors
I can’t even open it anymore
shame wrapped into porches
and along with blame
completed the frame then mixed with lies for drains and pipelines
lust laid down the permanent foundation
making it impenetrable unless it got naked
blood sweat and tears make a sea with motes
keep me locked away in this hell
isolation hid away
confused by lifetimes used to build this place
Isolation rejects and betrayal
Add some disrespect mixed with neglect
My heart turned black as the darkness that sentenced me to fate
My soul created fences with barbwire atop
Mixing cold with rage as I sink into darker days

Destroying my morals and values
Broke down a belief system
My demons laugh in enjoyment
Watching me vomit depression and shit unrest
Demon creeps playing warden to me
The plagued mind of insanity
Questions seeking answers
Only to find lies and deceit
Don’t let him convince you to attend a gas chamber retreat
They are dirty, nasty, and even quite savage
I’m covered in humiliation like it’s the actual acid
Tear-soaked eyes Stained a hopeless face
After 20 years I can’t explain why I live confined to my design
I had reason to search for faith escaped
Hope disappeared next and despair just followed
The hate set tuned in jealously turns into madness
flying off at me like I made a mistake
I only hold his wife's misery in my pain-made bed of broken dreams each night
Soft pillows on promises broke lost and avoided
I love his Misery
I create chaos to feed her while we drink up my sadness and grief
The only company I can keep
Nighttime comes and goes with distress laced anxiety
Only I’m still by myself
without you, there is nothing that helps
Sent envy and greed get you the phone and food
Insomnia insults me and knows just why
When I shut my eyes I go back to times when your home
Laziness mixed with crazy reminds me of the times you were just
My happy ever after was poisoned by unfaithfulness leaving horrible nightmares all over the place
There was only us at that moment, frozen in tracks those blues sucked me inside your soul
where I will never be free this is my purpose to be on earth its fate
I knew I spent lifetimes with you one chasing one running
To be exact it was April 6th, 2019, its had been way too long
I need you worse than feigning a user with my own personal brand of Heroin
I call you up begging to escape but you can’t recuse me
You're serving your own prison time, not far from mine
404 I got high on my own supply St.
18 years to serve and addiction for lifetimes.
your words are my razor sweet nothing applies pressure
Pour out your soul so I can cut into my skin as I breathe now that I’m able to bleed
Memories of you drown my thoughts
I realize this is it and I faded into the darkness of the abyss
I die unable to tell you goodbye, Ill love you for millions of lifetimes
This isn’t enough time
I’m here waiting in this lifetime so I can build it and get you back in time
I promise I learned some lessons and won’t always mess up
alone on the floor blood covering me the walls and door I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to do it
I lost it all now even your memory
I was nothing to you while I was here
Why is everyone crying as though they care
I can’t even remember us speaking in the year
My grandparents left and we fell apart
Death has left a mystery
I watch you compete for who’s hurt the most
bickering how you will spill my money business and land
then bitching open my songs played to the gods
but guess what my wonderful blood family
jokes on you it's left to someone randomly
a blind man
you don’t care what I want or believe
I’m not Christian. I am Viking
You don’t bury me
Lit me a fire and send me afloat
On a gold and red pyre Viking boat
Lit up the arrow and shoot at the wind
Just don’t miss me again
I will be stuck once more
Just like the last time Odin didn’t let me in
To Be Continued…..