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ON OWNING LAND
Within this stone I see a shell,
a fossil from a distant age
when oceans covered this old hill,
another time, another page.
Dire wolves, camels, mastadons
roamed here ere humans arrived.
Traces of them still are found
although none of them survived.
There's a stone face painting near
left by long forgotten men
who disappeared in mists of time.
What was this place like back then?
And one need not look too hard
in a clearcut or new plowed field
to find stone points or a clay shard
which the tribes here used to wield.
While through the forests chimneys stand
remnants of some pioneer
who lived a while then went away
leaving his home's imprint here.
Yet you say you own this land
where you farm or play or walk;
you're just a fleeting steward here.
Ownership is only talk.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
loved
Wed, 2012-07-11 23:18
own land only..by my experience ..
own land only..by my experience
if upon it you can stand
never own land
which you will control by remote
and
in any case such land is of no use
why land abuse?
so hold the land while you live
not too much of it
ere others want to kill
and
then when you are done with ,
the land should be sufficient
wherein you can be buried in it..
that's all your share,
then leave the unknown land
of this planet
you may upon times domain
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2012-07-12 09:18
hi loved
thanks for visiting. I wonder how many "final" resting places are soon forgotten then built upon........stan
author commentloved
Fri, 2012-07-13 01:12
my lasting resting place will be in the valley of dolls
will u be around Stan??
welcome
loved
scribbler
Fri, 2012-07-13 07:20
hi loved
With my girth some say I'm a round Stan now lmao.................stan
author commentloved
Fri, 2012-07-13 08:49
don't worry
the earth accepts
round pegs
in square holes
graves are all identical
match boxes though
who cares any way
when one is 6 feet below
loved
Rula
Thu, 2012-07-12 12:36
We own nothing
It is all God's , we are only His servants on earth. Thanks for this post .
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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scribbler
Thu, 2012-07-12 13:15
hi Rula
Good to see you on my page. The only thing we ever own is our limited time here...............stan
author commentEsker
Thu, 2012-07-12 15:02
I lived in a little house
with maples and poplars and birchs near
quiet country
wells with spring water
I put on a screen door and screens on
the windows and painted the trim
and the walls inside
scrubbed it and hung curtians
(with help) a simple structure
from simple times and then I explored
too about seeing the old remnants
the old springs dug
still holding cool clear water
flow
the old stone basements
It would be exciting to see the old
fossils Further north of us a hundred
kilometers is the old clay and limestone
sea beds of long ago where sea shells
are found over four million years old they
say
interesting place this little planet
Great Poem!
scribbler
Thu, 2012-07-12 17:21
Hi Esker
Most people don't take the time to see what is all about. Once had somebody exclaim"what a beautiful virgin forest" I guess they didn't see the old field terraces lol. Thanks for dropping by............stan
author commentjudyanne
Fri, 2012-07-13 10:14
hi scribbles
‘you're just a fleeting steward here
ownership is only talk’ - great finish
lol - the mm is here - and she putting on the old record...
- the rhythm is off in parts and detracts from the smoothness of the poem
still an interesting write - your content and context saves you yet again...
but it would be even better if you paid more attention to the scansion
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Fri, 2012-07-13 19:03
Hi MM
Now if it weren't for me what would you do to feel useful lol. I tidied it up a bit. I know there's still 1-2 spots where it's off but it will take major rephrasing to maintain rhyme and meaning. Thanks for holding my Large nose to the grindstone .................stan
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