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Our Lord

Our lord,
Do you know that our sons are hungry?
Since the volcano is embellished with
The souls of the beautifull ones
Their voices strangled in my ears over night
I couldn’t stand the strained weeping
When a feeling of relief washed over me
I saw them one after another
Behind each other,
Line by line, shouting!
But I couldn’t overhead a single word;
The model of probity in our generation
They’re probable to be the savours;
Where have they gone?
Are they at the posy of Africa violet?
Are they arranged in line?
Or covered with embroidered silk drapery?
Drat! The gluttons are mindless of the Milky Way’s warnings.

Our lord,
Do you know your life is not safe?
As things go on like this
Everyone turned out to be like you
Dish your hopes and the dirt discreetly
Readily to dash against the rock;
When our demonstrations speak nothing,

But dear-john-letter owing to the dearth of freedom
We’ve decidedly divorce you
With suitable decorum,
Because you full of clever dodge.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I suggest you change your title to (My Lord) as my lord is personal to you. (Our Lord) covers everyone and not everyone wants to be included in that category. just my opinion... you may do as you will, it is your poem, but I can tell you that I don't want anyone making my decisions for me. thank you.
other than that your sincerity comes shining through. keep writing and thinking beautiful thoughts!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I like your suggestion.
Thank you.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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