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One Shot Away
When your back is against the wall
When you're surrounded on every side
When you're pinned in, no escape
Keep your eyes trained on that prize
When things get hard, grit your teeth
If you're tired, then keep up the fight
When the odds are stacked against you
When the world gets dark, be a light
If your enemy fights back, fight harder
Keep your eyes on the title you crave
It isn't about what others didn't do
It's all in the little efforts you gave
Don't be afraid to show what you're got
Keep your aim locked, heartbeat steady
Attack that goal with burning vengeance
Keep your eyes trained, your feet ready
Keep that fire burning within your eyes
And a flame flickering inside your heart
Draw your weapon, aimed, locked, and ready
You never know when the battle will start
When the world is in ruins at your feet
When you're wondering if you'll be okay
Take a deep breath and block everything
Because sometimes victory is One Shot Away
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-09-19 04:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "One Shot Away" effectively uses a consistent metaphor of a battle to convey the theme of perseverance and determination. The repeated use of phrases like "When your back is against the wall" and "Keep your eyes trained on that prize" helps to reinforce this theme and create a sense of urgency and resilience.
However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. For instance, the poem seems to rely heavily on cliches and common phrases, such as "When the world gets dark, be a light" and "Keep that fire burning within your eyes". While these phrases are easily understood, they may not offer the reader a unique or fresh perspective. Consider using more original or unexpected imagery to convey these ideas.
In terms of structure, the poem maintains a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, which is commendable. However, the lack of variation in line length and rhythm can make the poem feel monotonous after a while. Consider varying the line lengths or introducing some unexpected rhythms to keep the reader engaged.
Lastly, the poem's message could be made more impactful by adding more specific details or personal experiences. Right now, the poem's advice feels somewhat generic. By adding more specific examples or personal anecdotes, the poem could resonate more deeply with the reader.
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