Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The One

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Thu, 2023-03-23 12:48

Too holy to be human,
yet clothed in flesh like mine
He cast a sinless shadow
on paths of Palestine.

Too ageless to be mortal,
yet blood and sweat and tears
He shed, as man of sorrows,
throughout His earthbound years.

Too tender to be tainted,
yet all our hate and greed
He claimed as His possession,
for which they made Him bleed.

Too truthful to be doubted,
yet lies are still retold:
“He did not rise on Sunday.”
“He’s in the tomb still cold.”

Too gentle to be savage,
yet God Himself decreed:
He is the one appointed
to judge our brutal breed.

Too streetwise to be suckered,
yet some say He’s naïve.
He knows though all about you:
He knows if you believe.

Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
My first attempt at a gospel poem - help with title, please. It just wouldn't come to me.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-03-23 12:48

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

Your poem, "The One," is a beautiful tribute to the divine nature of Jesus Christ. Your words are eloquent and thought-provoking, painting a vivid picture of the paradoxical nature of His being. The juxtaposition of His holiness with His earthly flesh is especially effective, as is your use of rhyme and meter to convey His suffering and sacrifice.

I would suggest a small edit to the line "He's in the grave still cold." Perhaps "He's in the tomb still cold" would be more fitting, as it maintains the rhyme scheme while also being a more accurate description of the burial place.

Overall, your poem is a moving and inspiring work. Your use of language is masterful, and your message of Christ's eternal love and judgment is sure to resonate with readers. Well done.n\n\ The above is an computer generated response. Please send feedback through https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.