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Nobody's Child

Nobody's Child

doll-baby

tumbling

through hands

of the Master

falling fast

causing

porcelain

fractures

spidery-web

cracks

all through

the plaster

painted smile

on lips alabaster

broken doll-baby

tumbling faster...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Read in sing-song fashion
Editing stage: 

Comments

I've always found dolls quite creepy, so I find this poem strangely effecting, even though you are not referring to an actual doll.

I think that it would be better if you said baby doll, rather than doll-baby, but that is just my opinion.

Good stuff.

Love Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Thank you for your suggestion, but, this one has a very special meaning for me. When I was little they called me doll-baby. (and the poem is about me, as an abused child.) Thank you for reading and commenting. I always appreciate hearing from you!

love, cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me on this piece. I hope your holidays are very happy.

love, cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Cat,

I remember this one from old Neo. It is a tragic piece which I love. The image here is so dark and deep.

The haunting image of the broken doll-baby is beautifully sad.

I may have to include this one on the site.

You have written so many fantastic poems that I thought I was being clever by using some from Caitlin and some from Eddy, but I still can't decide how many of yours to use...maybe 500 would be about right.

maybe www.hoodedandstyx.com

Hope you are ready for Yule.

Have you seen this website:

http://www.witchology.com/index.php

regards,

HS

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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

You do me too great an honor, but Eddy, ego maniac that he is will greedily take it! For your site, you may take any and all that I have. I can't wait to see your new site and I will check out the site you have so generously given me.

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Cat,

the witch website is really good, I stumbled across it whilst looking up 'Yule' and its origins.

Site is on its way...

thanks for the encouragement you've given me to craete the site and use your magical words.

love,

HS

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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

'spidery-web
cracks
all through
the plaster
painted smile
on lips alabaster'
- great descriptive cat
- and i love the tumbling effect

have i seen this before?
love and hugs
and hoping you are very well now
judy xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Yes! you have seen it before. I wasn't sure if I had posted it before because of my short term memory loss due to meds given me at the hospital when an artery burst in my stomach. I am still recovering memories and getting better as time passes. I spent a month and a half in the hospital and had to re-learn how to walk again, too.
thanks for your input. I am so glad you have commented!

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

i liked the use of doble spacing between lines to create the effect of the fall...and ofcourse the mood of this write....very effective...

raj (sublime_ocean)

It is always good to hear from you. Thanks for letting me know what you liked about the poem.

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

This one just came tumbling down out of my head. It practically wrote itself. I am both glad and sad, at the same time, that you can relate so easily to this piece. Thank you always for your support.

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Cat,

the change has slipped in effortlessly. I understand your need to include those lines and they haven't detracted from the original at all.

It actually adds that extra detail to round off the poem.

regards,

HS

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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

I just ran through the verses with such ease. It is deeply sad. No affection from the "master".

Fractures, cracks all through the plaster - like scars that never heal.

Terrible that children are subject to such cruelty.

Thank you for sharing your poems Cat - you are an amazing writter.

Love Mand xxxxx

Thank you for reading and your comment. Dan, Hooded Stranger, helped me with the line about the Master. And thank you for the wonderful and generous compliment!

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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