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my offer

Submitted by kowque on Mon, 2012-10-01 16:31

There we are, awash in velvet shadows
I mumble clumsily through my offerings of my soul.
The night feels spun on so much promise
The warm air feels too forgiving,
So willing to wrap itself around us
Raise us upon its back,into another time,another fable.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

docmaverick

Fri, 2012-10-05 06:55

docmaverick's picture

...I almost felt at home; which was quite disturbing, to me.
Very nicely put.
Sincerely,
thanx.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

Ian.T

Fri, 2012-10-05 13:51

Ian.T's picture
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"My Offer"
Your feelings hidden within the shadows that are legion, in places where freedom is only a word that covers many sins.
A good write on a theme of quiet response to ones own situation where you feel unable to change lives of those around you.
This is prevalent in Africa, I spent 12 years in South Africa it effected my blood by getting in there, and all those things, places and people I had to leave behind. I feel for your ways but you can change them village by village, and then town by town, then the big cities, but change them for the right thing not some false God that many seem to need,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

kowque

Thu, 2023-11-09 09:18

kowque's picture

You get it

Koki

author comment

loved

Sun, 2012-10-07 12:31

loved's picture

of a resentful woman
presenting her arched frame
to some one
as if she were a dying flame
may be a slave..

loved

kowque

Thu, 2023-11-09 09:18

kowque's picture

I was a woman-child really. Trying to grow up to fast. There was no resentment but confusion mostly.

Koki

author comment

docmaverick

Sun, 2012-10-07 15:18

docmaverick's picture

...I felt that the night was so inviting to "this couple of the moment" that, they couldn't help throwing caution to the wind! I may be all wrong but, I AM at home "flying high by the seat of my pants"-(so to speak); and that was why I made my first comment. Please advise, Kowque.
docmaverick.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

kowque

Thu, 2023-11-09 09:17

kowque's picture

I was in literal virgin territory, trying to make sense of giving up my body to someone else. It was a warm night and that's why it felt so inviting. Now,10 years later, I'm wiser

Koki

author comment
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