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My Father... Random Challenge # 16

My father was twisted by spirited drink
alone, he was a good guy
Too much and he wandered toward the brink
accompanied by the lie

Lies, that he had it under control
the devil knew him better
Old spirits had his very soul
and led him on a tether

Just one drink, the promise whispered
and you will feel real great
But there was a second and a third
to make him feel first rate

So down the hatch and over the gums
his life went down the drain
He spent his life and enormous sums
Slowly pickling his brain

I saw flashes of the man he was
underneath the devil's brew
When he was sober and not a fuzz
He was just like me and you

His dreams became nothing more
than idle and wishful thinking
I'm sure he would have been a father
if only he'd stopped drinking

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

In this:
Just one drink, the promise whispered
and you will feel just great
perhaps another word for (just?) insanely, exactly, precisely, and perfectly,etc.

this is a very serious and sad poem, in spite of the glib tone that carries it along. these lines got to me:

His dreams became nothing more
than idle and wishful thinking
I'm sure he would have been a father
if only he'd stopped drinking

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I chose to use [real] instead of another word to keep the meter and not boggle the plain and simple thought. This is the product of my realization of alcoholism as a disease and not a wilful attitude. There are people who can walk away from alcohol and/or any type of addiction, without a second thought. I do know some people that quit cold-turkey and never smoked another cigarette and people who never had another drink. I struggled a long time with smoking, [even though I suffered serious health-problems]. Genetic-predispositon is what the medical field calls it. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

It changes the behaviour. It inhibit speaking, which causes blurred speech and coordination . It affects impulse control and the ability to make memories, leading to blackouts.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

I am well aware of the effects. I was able to escape the cage of alcoholism before I succumbed to some serious problems, however cigarettes did me in. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

I found your poem was beautifully penned and the effects of alcohol were conveyed when you describe your father's life,

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

I had hoped that I made it clear. My father was a pretty good guy when he wasn't drinking. I got to know him in the last years of his life. I took care of him until he died of congestive -heart failure. Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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