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My Father

You're the magnificent mirror of my life,
That portrayed my weakness
The prognosis of future I have revealed
Like the crescent in the beginning;
Later grew yonder and tender,
Like a shade of the heart's shield.
Not today, I've become your fingerprint,
Or your advocate, but seeing me as
A binding fine art of your sword;
The excellent sword of your mouth
Raised me up to the sky,
More and more, I'm moving from one sky to another
It carved my mind and craved my heart.
The warlord of my battle;
An antidote of my flaw,
The shower of my tilled land,
That made my path straight with his proverbial wisdom;
Thanks for your brave action,
The secret of my living
Always live in my heart.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it is a very nice job you have made of this assignment. all is smooth and I like your language usage which is concise. great job altogether. your father must be quite a great man for you to have such praise. I liked these lines best:

The warlord of my battle;
An antidote of my flaw,
The shower of my tilled land,
That made my path straight with his proverbial wisdom;

*always, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I'm indebted to you.
Thank you ma.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

I'm indebted to you.
Thank you ma.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

You have intentionally made a lovely tribute to your dad. I believe he must have impacted your life very positively. I think he deserved to see this great piece. You can as well read aloud and let him hear, and feel the words as they sound.

Nicely written.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Onyinyechi Cosmos, kudos to you for all your advices and guides.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment
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