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In My Element

Submitted by Kristen H. on Wed, 2023-01-25 20:03

The river flows with such an intensity
that the very earth is torn away with its current.

The hurricane blows,
Ripping apart everything in its path.

The ocean crashes,
Digging caves and capsizing entire ships.

Destructive by nature
Stronger than any living being,

The very same element that flows through me,
and sustains life itself,

is gentle enough to fall from the sky
and wash away my tears.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
January 2023 Challenge In My Element
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

RoseBlack

Wed, 2023-01-25 20:29

RoseBlack's picture
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Vivid imagery as you turn the feelings inward...well done!

~RoseBlack~

Kristen H.

Wed, 2023-01-25 20:33

Kristen H.'s picture

Thank you very much! I appreciate your feedback!!

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Kristen H.

Thu, 2023-01-26 08:12

Kristen H.'s picture

Thank you very much!

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Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-01-26 07:02

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you have done a very good job with the challenge. but I found the last two lines weak. I have no suggestions.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Kristen H.

Thu, 2023-01-26 08:13

Kristen H.'s picture

Thanks for your feedback! I'll spend some more time on those last lines! :)

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Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-01-26 07:03

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This is art. It’s a short film. I wish I was a film maker. We should do something with this.

Tim

Kristen H.

Thu, 2023-01-26 08:14

Kristen H.'s picture

Thank you! What should we do with it? Any suggestions?

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Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-01-26 12:53

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Ethereal piano music. A shot of a river rushing. A shot of a wind storm. A shot of cresting waves then breaking, a shot of starlings taking flight. A shot of light rain drops making ripples in a puddle. A mother Cradling an infant. A cemetery. The moon. End

We record spoken of your poem word to accompany the film.

I’m not a film maker tho
Tim

Kristen H.

Thu, 2023-01-26 13:15

Kristen H.'s picture

That sounds awesome and heartbreaking all at the same time. Unfortunately, I'm no filmmaker either. Otherwise I would be making that myself.

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