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Mistress

one night along a Scottish trail
appeared a rock above the dale
and there, I spied a wizened crook
within a crag that formed a nook

his fire burned both small and bright
a ghost, he in the dancing light
below the beechwood, stones and moss
preparing prayers of love he lost

she shone a day thru timeless skies
her radiance struck down his eyes
returned in darkness, silently
the moon became her memory

it searched in lochs and crumbling waste
invading greyed and shadowed space
in creeping, stole in closeness where
it woke the hobo sleeping there

and on that spot within her glow
before the things of earth were known
the moonlight kissed this earthly man
her form allured his calloused hand

their sighs became creation’s sound
the woods appeared, about them stretched
with stones and ferns and mossy ground
from out of mist and whispered breaths

spoken in a rhyme of love
-rising
through the night above

oh, in these singing brooks I see
all things that fill my heart with glee
oh, fairy glen I miss you so!
och, trees, my soul amid you glows

so keen this green that slakes my eyes!
November hath not touched thy prize
for eons naught has tread thereon
the mosses soft as cuckoo’s song

oh, under boughs of wooded cover
laid his sweet, unearthly lover
awaiting praiseful prayers of her
along my walk to Arrochar

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

every aspect of this poem! From the beginning of it to the end, with the [some will say; but not me] Archaic language and all. I rather enjoyed your travels amongst the stars and woodlands. Your rhyme and near rhyme are faultless! ~ Geezer.
.

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Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
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This is poetry at it's best. I enjoyed every word .Thank you for such a refreshing from ll other poems This just wrapped me up and blocked all other thoughts

Chrys

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Hi. I'm so relieved this poem is enjoyed. I was in Scotland some years ago visiting my family ancestral country. I walked some 1200 miles there and really managed to get down to basic levels. I wrote a small collection of poems in that time and this is one I don't mind sharing. I'm really happy you liked it. Thanks so much.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

Hi. I am delighted by your comment, a little surprised, even. We try so hard to write for ourselves, we sometimes lose focus on the audience. I really try to raise the bar because I believe that poetry is a beautiful form of expression and in it's present state can use a bit of structure, rhyming and support. Think of it as protecting an endangered species.lol. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

with what you said to c l brooks. The style of rhyming and structured poetry, is an endangered species and must be protected!
I was told recently, that something I did with a recent poem, just wasn't done anymore, we don't speak that way now days.
I've been to a poetry site recently, that discourages RHYME! Can you believe it? They didn't say that it was wrong, just that it is discouraged, because that's not they way that you get better at writing! I know that Neopoet, means new poet, in Latin, but
there is nothing wrong in protecting and nurturing the origins of poetry. After-all, the basics of poetry are from oral tradition and rhyme is a very good way to remember a story. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

This is wonderful, well written, poetry at its best!

I can't help but think, you must be "of an age" and steeped in poetry to pull this off with such aplomb.

Errrrrm, "och",,,,,,,,, I'll leave you with a smirk on that one!!

Obi.

Hi. Is that your given name? Has a cool ring to it.
I'm not sure what "of an age" is and I really don't understand what happened to me over in Scotland, but it was pretty magical in my eyes. The poems just started spilling out of me and I held a stronger reverence for my environment. Repressed creativity, I should guess. I was 50 at the time.
Was I using "och" in the wrong context? I thought it was like a level above "oh". I hope it doesn't detract. Thanks so much for enjoying!

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

Och: A Scottish word, used to curse, in the same way as
'Oh no!' or as a sound to denote misery or anger. Also used
with the word 'aye' to mean all is 'well'. I thought you might like to know.
~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

really cooking my brain trying to work around the word "och" lol....but I added a stanza in there and wondering how I can improve the transition between "it" and "she" (S3,4,5)...maybe it's okay the way it is...dang...any opinions on that would be appreciated. Thanks

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

Hiya, tom. "of an age" like me, is well. nearer the reaper than the stork..... (almost dead)

I'm from, England. but consider myself British. I love the Irish, Welsh. and the Scotts. They are all idiosyncratic and slightly askew of normal, especially the "Jocks"

"och". Not sure if its in the wrong context to be honest. but, it seems a tad cliché. (I'd be interested in an opinion from a true man that wears a skirt! LOL.

Obi.

'' I never said UK.''
But ancestral
SCOTTISH
sorry I got mixed up with
OBI
My regrets

I read u as u asked

amended for records

It is Lake Simcoe I live upon. It is in the province of Ontario. I have lived many places, eluding routine and doldrums. I have sailed across the North Atlantic and Ireland all the way around. I have lived in one of your Nordic countries. I know the mermaid queen of the Baltic Sea and took one of her children as my own. I know where three angels live that you may never meet and many things you will never know, but only through my stories, but I never said UK.

Thank you for reading, lovedly, and feel free to comment on any part of my poem you care to.

Sincerely, Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

I but half a drop
in it

lovedly, you are very kind and a welcome read any time of the day. I hope we are all here to inspire each other, not to measure each other.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

Having just read it, am very impressed by the whole poem.

I felt the poem, and it had me walking with Gandalf thru the forests of Mirkwood.

Are you a Canadian, from Scotland?

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Thank you for reading my poem. Poetry has become an important part of my life, and appreciation is hard to come by; especially with structured, rhyming work. And even more so with archaic words.lol.
As the geezer wrote, many people are biased against it, for perhaps a dozen reasons, I suppose.

My family is 7 generations in Canada, but the more I travel, the more I realize my home is anywhere on earth as long as I am welcomed. Thank you for your kind appreciation.

Sincerely, Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment
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