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IN MEMORY OF

It's been months since I was clean.
(I'm glad I'm not downwind from me.)
The enemy awaits unseen
in this land I am trying to free.

A good meal is just a memory.
Spam can only last so long.
I reckon its my destiny
to try my best to right what's wrong.

BANG! That sniper fires a shot;
for once there is no answering scream
from this hill which soon will be forgot
like a nightmare, not dream.

A whistle blows and here they come
as gunfire deafens from both directions!
My chest get punched....I'm feeling numb
as blackness closes in from all directions_____

Hey Al! I marked this soldier dead
from that battle yesterday.
It could easily have been me instead
who will never see another day.....

*A memorial to all who gave their lives fighting for freedom

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I purposefully left this short on details so it could be applied to all the wars our soldiers fought
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "In Memory Of," is a somber and reflective piece about the experience of a soldier fighting for freedom. The use of short, choppy lines creates a sense of urgency and tension, which is appropriate given the subject matter. The repetition of the word "directions" in the final stanza emphasizes the chaos and confusion of war.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. The line "I'm glad I'm not downwind from me" is a bit confusing and doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. It might be worth considering rephrasing or removing this line altogether.

Additionally, some of the rhymes feel a bit forced and detract from the overall impact of the poem. For example, the line "like a nightmare instead of dream" feels a bit clichéd and doesn't add much to the poem.

Overall, "In Memory Of" is a heartfelt tribute to those who have sacrificed their lives for freedom. With a few small edits, it could be even more impactful.

Suggested line edit: Consider replacing the line "I'm glad I'm not downwind from me" with something that better fits the theme of the poem. For example, "The smell of death is all around, / a constant reminder of what we've found."

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

why the line that says "I am glad that I am not downwind of me, is confusing, since the writer says that it has been months since he was clean. I guess that AI's don't have bodies and so do not stink if they can't wash properly? ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

A poem that really speaks from the chaos that surrounds too many in society at this time.
There is no honour in those who see the deaths of others.
Hopefully peace is soon on its way.

Your words sent chills through me.

Our chance to right the wrongs, may be the voting powers that we have.. To vote for those who want peace, and not for those who profit out of war.

There was warning given by Eisenhower decades ago concerning the military industrial complex. I'd bet most people in congress and most CEOs have no children in the military. However there Are times when fighting is the only option. Thanks for dropping by

author comment

Me and those damned typos ....at least I have folks to point them out though lol. Well, let me get them taken care of

author comment

I marvel at your poetry prowess...you amaze me! creatively versatile are the words for you!

* love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Now I'll have to put on a bigger hat lol. Thank you for your kind words

author comment

We all should thank a veteran. Those men that gave their all. You have expressed the sentiments that we should all feel.
I understand those that are conscientious objectors, the ones who do not want to kill another person. I really do, but someone has to do the dirty work! If you cannot bring yourself to kill to protect, at least support those who have to, to defend freedom
around the world and make the world a better place. Nicely done sir. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I also can understand the pacifists. But Somebody has to defend their beliefs and doing so often results in war

author comment

were up to me, I would make the draft mandatory for all men and women at 21, if you don't want to fight, support our military by being a janitor, mechanic, cook, whatever. Every profession is represented in the military, not just soldiers. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I would make it 18 with NO exemptions

author comment

it is! Even someone who has some disability can be useful. They wouldn't take me, because I was blind in one eye, but I could shoot better than a lot of people with two good eyes. They said "What if you are injured in your good eye? I asked about what if someone was injured in both eyes? They kicked me out for being a wiseass, said they didn't have time for no Arlo Guthiers. LoL

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

it down . With my father being a navy guy I'd had enough of traveling around

author comment
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