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Lust or Love
I wonder how I feel for you so others I do ask, I ask if this is lust or love this feeling I can't grasp. I feel as if this may be love but that I do not know. The feelings that I have for you I hope they never go. I wonder if we'll stay together for all the years to pass, I know we both have feelings for each other yet I do hear myself ask. Is this feeling lust or love and will this feeling last?
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2012-03-24 23:27
Welcome to NeoPoet.
I have to ask. Why did you format your poem in paragraph form?
I'm usually not very critical with my comments to a new poet at the site (don't want to frighten you away... everyone else would crucify me), so instead I'll ask you what you're expecting to find here. NeoPoet is quite a bit different than most poetry websites as it is a rather intense learning environment. Everyone here has come for the primary purpose of improving their poetry. And not only theirs, but all other's poetry as well.
You will likely see it in a number of different places, but the maxim of the site insists we "critique" and not merely comment. I hope this appeals to you.
Your poem above is a lovely first post. You'll have to forgive me, but I'm a sucker for a traditional sounding poem, so the controlled meter and elegant rhyme scheme won me over immediately.
If you're willing, let us know in the comments here what you hope to find at NeoPoet and I hope it's to stick around for a while.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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China Blue
Sun, 2012-03-25 18:39
Tay
A lovely write to be sure
however it would make it a lot easier to read if you change the formate say perhaps like the fiollowing
I wonder how I feel for you
So others I do ask
I ask if this is lust or love
this feeling I can't grasp
or something similar
re formatting would make your words stand out
well done otherwise
and welcome to Neo Poet
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)