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the loveliness in death

Submitted by Seren on Tue, 2023-02-28 06:26

Loneliness grew in me
starting with the end
budding into solitude
the yawing canyon
filled with silence,
I whispered "hello"
echoing off nothing

Loneliness like dying
is eternal stillness
no longer breathing
like silenced waves
smashing the void
I am become as nowt
it kills me slowly

I look to the end
for a little death
a search for meaning
in the stillness, lovely.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-02-28 08:27

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this is lovely and so gentle with a hint of sorrow. my favorite line is:

Loneliness like dying
is eternal stillness

*love Catsis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:22

Seren's picture

Thank you I am so glad you liked it, weird though this was, it was like flashes of experience from yesterday or the day before now.

love always Lilbit xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Tue, 2023-02-28 08:29

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put a face to loneliness
if such a face exists. It is the emptiness
of a vast canyon, unaware of boundaries.
one little typo, yaw[n]ing. Good stuff!
Made me feel lonely for a moment.
Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:30

Seren's picture

I am really glad you liked this one I wasn't even sure I was going to post and thought, eh? why not.
I explained the yawing versus yawning, gives it a different spin lol *wink*

I am glad you have *W* I know I haven't left you totally alone after this.

love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Obadiah Grey

Tue, 2023-02-28 10:28

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"La petite mort"
Yes, loneliness gets you that way,
and it does indeed echo.

Thank you.
Obi.

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:32

Seren's picture

The silence does echo and only someone that knows what true loneliness is understands that thanks for commenting and picking up on a little death. Smiles.

Kind Regards Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Abby

Tue, 2023-02-28 10:45

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This is so beautiful. This writing is so gentle, contrasting a typical idea of death. Loneliness truly is eternal stillness. It’s a sort of silent, internal pain difficult to describe, but you did so brilliantly.

"To fly is to fall."

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:35

Seren's picture

Thank you for your generous comment, I really appreciate it. It is a different kind of death it's the death of spirit that loneliness unravels.

Thanks again for the kind compliment I appreciate it

Kind Regards Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-02-28 15:59

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Ughh. I am one lonely mofo. I’ve got the wife and my sister, three other female friends I’m close with. Those 5 people actually truly listen and understand the things I talk about. As far as male bonding or like bro time or whatever…all set. I get nothing out of watching sports talking about nothing deep. It’s sort of cringe actually that that’s the depth of male friendships. So I don’t nurture them because they’re time consuming and wholly unrewarding.

Carl Yung said “loneliness doesn’t come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you.” That’s some truth right there.

Well done again dear poet,
Tim

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:42

Seren's picture

I have said it before you can be a room full of people and be the loneliest person in the world. But there is another kind of loneliness and I can't explain it here it would be utterly pointless. Sometimes you have to cut yourself off in self-preservation, I have a dog.

The Yung quote is on the money not having anyone that understands the things that are closest to your heart and the actual lifeblood of your soul, well it is lonely.

I am glad you have your wife, sister and friends it sounds like they listen, listening is the first step to understanding. Imo.

Thanks for reading and for the kind words.

Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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RoseBlack

Tue, 2023-02-28 17:34

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My old friend....you have given it a life and character all of its own as well as it's close relative, death. Even in its sadness, you brought beauty to each element with your words. Another fine job.

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:47

Seren's picture

I think it's a friend everyone has known in their lives more times than they care to admit, but it's true it has been my constant companion and well its quieter this way,

Thanks so much for your kind compliment, I really appreciate it.

hugs Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Lavender

Tue, 2023-02-28 20:57

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"...silenced waves smashing the void." Nothing to hear, but so much to feel.
Much love,
L

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:49

Seren's picture

You got it, hugs.

Oh, so much feeling and nowhere to put it. Except into my words, the many millions that I've written.

much love Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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lovedly

Wed, 2023-03-01 06:49

lovedly's picture

contents speak of loneliness

I'm confused
did you read lately my poem

''when in loneliness think of me ...''
lovedingly

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 09:52

Seren's picture

Maybe we're not meant to get everything we read and that's ok, sometimes I read things and have no comprehension only to go back later and be hit in the head with its message. maybe come back to this another day.

No, I haven't read many poems in the last few days!

love an hugs Sis

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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