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Loved ewe two ways- June Competition

Submitted by jane210660 on Sun, 2016-06-26 04:55

She stares heavenwards
head back, pale, milky eyes glazed.
Fifteen years ago
She escaped the abattoir
became a loved pet.
Now, in her summer pasture
death has finally caught up.

Head back and glazed eye
not for her this summer sky.
No more will she hear
her lambs' call or curlew's cry
I turn sadly round
and wipe the tears from my eyes
as I bid my last goodbyes.

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Contest:

June Contest - Choka - Japanese Poetry - $25 (USD) Amazon Emailed Gift Card

Comments

Esker

Sun, 2016-06-26 22:41

Me I like the first!

having read all the sad stories of youth
Lassie...Black Beauty etc
Sounder...Old Yeller
always had pets

the inevitable
for all
the short run of it works

thank U!

judyanne

Mon, 2016-06-27 01:57

you can use the two stanzas

Hi Jane ... my understanding is that you can have up to10 stanza....
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

raj

Tue, 2016-06-28 13:55

Hi Jane

Great Choka...you are up there with a chance to win this month's contest...good luck to you...

raj (sublime_ocean)

jane210660

Wed, 2016-06-29 05:29

Hi Raj

Thanks for the comment. It's always interesting and fun to write in a style or have to conform to a genre that is outside 'the norm', especially for a freestyler like myself :-) Jxx

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author comment

Rula

Tue, 2017-03-21 17:11

A poignant piece. I

A poignant piece. I especially like thd closing lines.
Wish you alwayz the best jane!

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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jane210660

Wed, 2017-03-29 07:31

Thanks Rula, nice of you to

Thanks Rula, nice of you to drop by :-) Jx

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Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

author comment

Neopoet

Loved ewe two ways- June Competition