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Love sublime

I feel a trembling in my soul
a harmony of scents and sounds
like a forest coming to life
and I think of you in its whispers.

This melancholy heart of mine
trembles and burns
all nature seems to echo my words
and I feel as though immortal.

It is as though the meadows
have been lit by the rising sun
and the world's splendours
are revealed to us alone.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that has come alive with the rising sun
and the splendor of your voice
calls the morning glory to bend with tears
as whispers from the forest nearby
reveal my sublime worship
for your cotton candy heart.

Welcome to Neopoet Midge

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Midge,

This is an interesting, almost meditative, peice.
When I see words like sublime, harmony, forest, life, immortal, and rising sun, the word "melancholy" is standing out in a lot of contrast and I wonder if it is misplaced.
Your last stanza is beautiful!

raffy

For your kind comments.

author comment

Here I express two suggestions, which are probably also biases. 1). Stick to the concrete. Where you have done it, it is done very well (the meadows lit by the rising sun is a great image). 2). Metaphor over simile (e.g., the meadows are lit by the rising sun vs. It is as though the meadows have been lit by the rising sun). This is a good start for a rough draft.

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