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limericks ( Seriously not serious limericks)
Bit of fun, thought I'd have a go.
The trouble with writing this poem
What ever I do it ain’t flowin’
It just ain’t no use
So I’ll make my excuse
And off to the pub I’ll be goin’.
Then once I started.......
The pirate was missing his Mum
Which made him despondent and glum
So to cheer himself up
He brewed a fresh cup
Thought sod this and reached for the rum.
Ooops another popped out
There was a young lady from Hyde
Whose bottom was immensely wide.
If she went for a swim
It became rather grim
As it blocked off the incoming tide.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Keith Logan
Mon, 2017-06-05 21:56
May I join in?
I particularly like the pirate poem and can certainly empathise with him.
A couple of oldies...
Working Out
A workout may seem like great fun
with push-ups or maybe a run
but when one gets home,
inclined not to roam
for damage to health has been done.
Another World
Snug under the covers I go
to a world which no one can know.
then slide down the bed
sheet over my head
as outside its twenty below.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
jane210660
Tue, 2017-06-06 03:29
Great fun Keith
I think everyone should have a go.
Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-06 06:45
Hang on!
Loved the limericks, Jane and Keith but there are two challenges here.
One is to just learn to write them which is a terrific exercise in rhyme and meter.
The other, much, much more difficult than you might think, is to write a serious, as in non-humorous limerick. The form itself has humorous qualities and we have been conditioned to expect, usually smutty, humour.
Keith, you did very well indeed but can you see that they don't have serious emotional significators? Even the first one makes a kind of joke by satirising the negative aspects of healthy exercise.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-06-06 07:02
Does this fulfill the criteria?
I’ll tell you a tale of a lass called Heather
although very tall, was light as a feather.
She bobbed her head gently to say hello
then offered a smile before she’d go.
would that to me I could that lass tether.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
weirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-06 07:14
listen
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0iLz3qtNGlP
does that sound like limerick to you?
Actually it is a pretty good 5 line poem, it is serious, generally lines 3 and 4 are shorter in a limerick.
That last line is pretty clunky you'd have to admit.
Man, you may find something more than writing limericks out of this exercise. I admire your skill and persistence.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-06-06 09:14
Trying again
In the jungles of Burma one day
with Niponese causing affray,
The Brits in retreat
dishonour complete,
they couldn’t stop running away.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
weirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-06 10:17
Perfect form!
And very serious.
So why did I giggle?
Perhaps it's my Aussie convict heritage... no, there would have been Aussies fighting alongside.
See what I mean? You've mastered the form but there seems to be something innately comical about the limerick form I can't explain.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-06-06 10:06
Mother Love
I lost my mum at six years old,
my father blowing hot and cold.
He killed in a jealous rage,
one she could not assuage.
The full story being yet untold.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
weirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-06 10:26
ok. Dead serious
Full emotional impact. yet... try this
I lost my mum at six years old,
my father blowing hot and cold.
He killed in a rage,
she could not assuage.
This story can not yet be told.
See it is not just the syllable count it's also hard and soft, stressed and unstressed sounds.
Am I making sense? Does this sound more like a limerick to you?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-06-06 11:38
OK
I think I see what you are getting at. I am not inclined however to pursue this further because to me limericks should be for fun. That is why I feel so out of my depth when I try to be serious.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
jane210660
Tue, 2017-06-06 07:53
Ahhhh
Duh, slaps own forehead, missed the second challenge.
Oh well back to drawing board.........
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-06 08:33
forgot to add,
love your limericks, Jane. You've definitely got the form down and they are hilarious.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry