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Lethal Minds

Your imagination can be lethal.
Distracts you from reality and tricks you into another dimension because of its limitless tendencies.
There are no leaks in imagination.
No one knows what you are imagining.
You can give a thousand, a million, or a billion hints and no one will know.
It is as powerful and daunting as black magic
A swirl of beauty entering the brain, manipulating it into a false reality so you can have solidarity and peace.
But like everything beautiful, there is a downside.
Imaginations allow you to yearn for an idea of yourself, gives you hope for a dream.
If that dream isn’t fulfilled, then it is not an imagination
It is a nightmare.
A painful one.
So don’t use your imagination
The whispering remnants of your imagination can haunt you into dark oblivion.
They’re like little angels right next to your ears that give you beautiful ideas.
Powdery gold and silver, sprinkled over you, losing you in bliss
Then, boom
You aren’t in your beautiful world.
You’re in a cruel world where rejection and violence exist.
Where the night always comes and carries you away.
Where the light always comes and doesn't make all the monsters go away.
Your imagination is lethal, so I beg you to never do it.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Welcome to Neopoet!

I kind of like your theme; it seems properly dark
and mysterious. Something that 'Killer' and I like.
I would suggest that you trim some of your lines
to smooth things out. You could let go of the periods
at the end of each line and compress lines like:

"It is as powerful and as daunting as black magic"

The use of [magic] and then [black magic] is redundant.
There a lot of little tricks such as deleting an [a] or [and]
that can help to make a line and the whole poem a bit smoother.

Also, you can make things a little easier on the eyes by using
wrap-arounds and trying to keep the sentences more or less
the same length.

Try: "Powdery gold and silver, sprinkled over you, losing you in bliss"
rather than "Powdery gold and powdery silvery sprinkled all over you into you are lost in your bliss"

Of course, you are free to use or reject any of my suggestions for something you feel is more appropriate
to your poem. I look forward to seeing more of your work and editing.
~ Geezer.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thank you so much for commenting! I appreciate your honesty and constructive criticism. I am an EXTREME beginner when it comes to poem writing. So, I will follow your ideas. Plus, they sounded good and made sense. Once again, thank you.

author comment

Welcome to the madhou...I mean Neopoet!
I like this. All of Geezer's suggestions I agree with, but I would also do two things. First, break up the lines in places you think should have a pause or even a stop. Second, see if you can fit it into verses. Your descriptive powers are very good, and lead nicely into emotion and making the reader think. These would have more impact if your poem was fitted into a smaller, more focusing spaces on the page. The structure of a poem can be just as important as rhyme and meter.
If this is the quality of a beginner's poetry since I went on haitus, then I should have returned long before now.
Good work, keep it coming.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

Thank you for telling me the importance of structure. I will definitely take that into consideration. Truthfully, I didn't really pay attention to that, I will now! Also, thank you for your kind words!

author comment
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