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LATE AUTUMN

The color green has become rare
now that leaves have fallen down
among the hardwoods cold and bare
all is stark from root to crown

On this late November day
even the sky has lost its blue
due to clouds heavy and gray
brought last eve when north winds blew

The once gay colored autumn leaves
now are dunn and at my feet
barely disturbed by frigid breeze
land has forgotten summer's heat

Wildflowers naught but withered husks
stags and does now gray not red
absent now their pungent musks
they all rest quietly in their bed

At fall's end and winter's brink
all await the coming cold
awaiting snows to make us blink
awaiting as the year grows old

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I LOVED this rhyme!

It is not perfect, close, but I can see its potential.

Brillant first stanza,

Second stanza last line does not sit well with me though, the last line feels forced. May I suggest
Threatning to release their spray, or mixed about amoungst the fray

Great 3rd stanza, but the forth feels a little forced again, to me, just my opinion. Suggestions,

Wildflowers naught but withered husks
stags and does now gray not rust
absent now their pungent musks
quiet shadows outlined by dusk or, past thier time of feast and rut, maybe

And your repetition in your last two lines was my last issue, and I felt there could be more impact. In my opinion.

At fall's end and winter's brink
all is still with anticipation
we find more time to think
awaiting winters cold desolation

Maybe,

I hope that was helpful, please feel free to take and leave what you like

Julie

D.D.

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ALL suggestions are appreciated. I seldom leave stuff be and will keep your ideas in mind(unless they disrupt abab rhyme scheme lol) when I edit............stan

author comment

but tell me why
there are more poets
and readers few
what's amiss at Neopoet
I wish i knew...
U STAN RARELY READ ME
NOW I SEE
IT WORRIES ME
TC TC TC

loved

I am working a deadline to complete a job and even though I read most of your stuff, I lack time to respond to almost everybody.Between that and trying to catch up with AEC and ste business I'm pretty stretched. But have patience as I expect schedule to calm down by year end.........................stan

author comment

when I visited my VERY OWN profile

i have five fans
what ever that means ,
ur name is missing
so as u have no tym
just enjoy this..piece
when ur at peace

You alone speak my mind.........................

OH SORRY.. U WILL BE ASKED TO SQUEEZE ME
AS I ain't allowed to post it here
shall send u a message
when from u i hear.
ok wait i shall send now...

loved

Don't be discouraged at not finding me on your "friends" list .I am not listed as such on anybody's page lol. My friends know who they are.........stan

author comment

I am still a bit unhappy with the last 2 lines myself. I'll come up with something better in edit. Thanks for visiting........stan

author comment
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