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Intense Feelings

Submitted by faderinsoro on Fri, 2018-11-30 10:48

Just in a glimpse,
Everything becomes void
Where are they?
Those who promised to be there always

Can't believe they are all gone
Within a glance.
Were their feelings true?
Right from the onset?

I thought of holding on,
But deep within myself,
Its gonna have adverse effects
Which might bring more pains

I thought of letting go,
Owing up to maturity
Yet,I couldn't
Cus I was scared of loosing something,
Something, I might never regain

Thinking about the old times,
The bonds we shared,
Was it from there,
I made a mistake of trusting you?

Or did you really mean to stay
From then till eternity?
But along the way,
You developed a cold feet?

Communication amends relationship
While knowing this,
You still don't want reconciliation?
Damn so bent on staying away right?

Just whenever you feel its totally wrong,
Owing to your mistakes,
Not minding how I've lived without you,
Will gladly accept you again!
Wholeheartedly!
Provided your vacuum is not yet filled!

*Faderinsoro*

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2018-11-30 16:23

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that you are trying hard to express yourself in a second language, that is very hard to learn! I really got the message. My advice is to get a really good dictionary to look up the words that you are not quite familiar with. This is not a nasty remark about your English. I just feel that you might really benefit from studying the words that you use, in order to better write your poetry. The English language is very hard to learn, as we have many different meanings for words and some of them mean ALMOST the same, but not. For example:

1] A glimpse is a quick look at something. The line I would write is: In an instant,
everything becomes empty. [Switch empty for void]
2] Within a glance. I would write: Can't believe they are all gone, in an instant.
Were their feelings true? Right from the start?

I hope that you enjoy your time here and continue to write about these tough emotions. Do not be afraid to ask for help and do ask for it anytime you are confused about anything. There will always be someone here at the site that will be glad to help. A very warm welcome to Neopoet.
~ Geezer.
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IRiz

Fri, 2018-11-30 17:04

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Dear faderinsoro,

your poem is a reflection showing true feelings and deep bitterness
I relate very much to your calm contemplation
these simple laconic lines are inspiring:

Thinking about the old times,
The bonds we shared,
Was it from there?
I made a mistake of trusting in you?

we will never know and that makes life poetic
Is it okay to quote you on Instagram?
look for the links in my last blog here
best wishes, Irene

IRiz

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