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INTAKE ROAD

Submitted by Twizzle48 on Mon, 2023-10-09 18:20

INTAKE ROAD

In this old photo, trembling in my hand
I’m there, walking up the dim grey street
Old houses, now - as they always were
Two up two down terraces, now a blur
Up ahead, the wheel makes it complete
Everything’s gone now, you understand

It was a community that is now dispersed
Solid working families, partners in coal
Then a revolution came and all was lost
But loss of identity was the greatest cost
Mines all shut down, and it took its toll
It was if our whole county was cursed

Then I felt some tears welling up inside
And the photo dropped from my fingers
Just down to the floor, not a mile below
Like the dark shafts where we would go
How is it such a mixed memory lingers
When the last thing to disappear is pride

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
October 2023 Challenge Write a poem about the street where you grew up
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Triskelion

Mon, 2023-10-09 22:15

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...is starting to grow on me. Perhaps because of its rarity or your capable employment of it. The content is finely written as well.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Triskelion

Tue, 2023-10-10 10:11

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..you might consider changing the word "whole" to "entire" in S2L6 if you feel it improves the metre there.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Geezer

Tue, 2023-10-10 07:57

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that this borders on prose.
The rhythm and rhyme are pretty well muted; [not that it is a bad thing.]
Just that the reader notes the story, first.
I saw the elusive memories of exactly how things were, the neighborhood.
The emotion with this is tangible; well done ! ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tawny023

Fri, 2023-10-27 22:24

Maybe it’s the Ky girl in me that is unbridled and can’t be erased, but this made me cry. Coal miners plight is colder then most could ever understand or bear. Your town is not alone as technology and other resources are used it’s these little towns of good hearted ppl that suffer the most. Thank you for given your memories a voice. Every line was spot on.

RoseBlack

Sun, 2023-10-29 16:19

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Was a miner before moving to New York...thank you for sharing your memories. I remember the stories he used to tell so well.

~RoseBlack~

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