Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

ATTRACTOR

Submitted by Twizzle48 on Fri, 2023-12-01 04:58

ATTRACTOR

After all this time, and still no answer
I must ask the question why
I don’t consider myself a chancer
With letters sent and no reply

It’s confusion whilst never knowing
And a cold winter wind is blowing
But keeping warm all the while
As I recall that special smile

But can she ever know I’m waiting
It’s a serious question if one can cope
Yet all’s not lost, as still there’s hope
There’s pleasure in anticipating

But there is one thing never to miss
The genuine opportunity for a kiss

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Onegin sonnet
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
12/23 What Gets You Through The Day
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2023-12-01 09:27

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I think that the office-party or a home party would be the answer to that! Make sure that you either plant yourself underneath the mistletoe, or keep track of where she is, and when she gets under it, WHAM! Lay one on her! With all that anticipation and
thought behind it, it should be spectacular! Of course, if you are wrong, and she doesn't fancy you... You may be looking for a new job, and/or facing imprisonment for sexual assault. I thought your heartfelt appeal should have been enough to elicit a response. Maybe take that as a sign. Nicely done Sir, I like it! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-12-13 18:12

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

A sonnet is probably beyond my capabilities but I liked what I read. The timorousness and fragility of a a hopeful soul. The only thing that bothers me is how the title is presented! I am put off by all Caps. in a title. It offends my eyes and makes me feel like I am being yelled at!

My favorite lines are:
But can she ever know I’m waiting
It’s a serious question if one can cope
Yet all’s not lost, as still there’s hope
There’s pleasure in anticipating

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Wed, 2023-12-13 20:44

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I think I know why you made the title all in caps, that it would make it seem all the more attractive? Nope! Made me wince. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.