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Inheritors and Benefactor

This is something I think is entirely new. In this experiment a story is told from two perspectives: a mutated rat on the left and one of the last dying humans on the right.Poem should be read first stanza on left, first stanza on right , second on left, second on right and so forth until the end. In the event this is truly something new I'm calling this parallel poetry as it means to read two poems at the same time from two different viewpoints. Site won't let me post this in the original form so just ignore the ............which precedes each of the lines on the human's side of the poem. They're only there to maintain the indents which separate the two poems. Let me know what you think........stan

Inheritors.......................................................Benefactor

I am a five legged rat
and I live among the rubble
desiccated bodies keep me fat
with hardly any trouble.............................................I've come back here to home to die
.................................................................................(I think this rubble is my home)
.................................................................................a rat just scuttled his way by
.................................................................................he will outlive Man's last tome.

Mom got singed by some big flash
three weeks 'fore I was born
the smoke's gone now but not the ash
from when the world was burned and torn...............Gray brother ran a little funny;
.................................................................................this can't be good, just coughed up blood
.................................................................................I wish the sky was blue and sunny
.................................................................................corpses lie scattered in the mud

Every once in a great while
two legged shamblers pass me by
they look like they're on their last mile
we eat them when they fall and die.........................I haven't seen a single soul
.................................................................................for at least two days
.................................................................................the last I saw were blind as moles
.................................................................................skin in different shades of grays

Mom tells me how it used to be
there used to be less gray and soot
and there were "leaves" on every tree
what "leaves" are is kind of moot..............................All the trees have lost their leaves
..................................................................................radiation, cold and lack of sun
..................................................................................where are all the squirrels to grieve?
..................................................................................their extinction's almost done

This brown crisp stuff I often tred
used to be lush green and soft
I still use it to line my bed
in a collapsed apartment loft........................................Former lawns and fields so green
.....................................................................................are all dead, grey and dun
.....................................................................................saddest sight you've ever seen
.....................................................................................rabbits can't be having fun

My world is mainly grey and cold
we seldom see the sun
just us the roaches and the mold
has a new order just begun?........................................This world which once held warmth and color
......................................................................................now cold, bleak and sad
......................................................................................snowed today and it's mid summer
......................................................................................just noticed that I smell real bad

In the deep of night a glow
comes from a far distant crater
where even fungus will not grow
pit is damned by the creator.........................................Family was at the theatre
.....................................................................................now marked by atom bomb's deep crater
.....................................................................................radiation glows there in the dark
.........................................................................................everything is drained and stark

The sky where winged things used to fly
grows emptier each day
they might come back bye and bye
when glows finally go away.........................................Birds no longer in the sky
....................................................................................first of species doomed to die
....................................................................................If I had tears left I would cry
..........................................................................................Damned war

Hey! look at what I just found
on this dead body's boney hand
shiny stone on a ring, round
added to my stash it will look grand...................................Cursed rat is back to feast
.....................................................................................gnaws into my neighbor's skull
............................................................................................just another hungry beast
.........................................................................................is that a ring in his mouth?

And in this skull's a salty treat
some naturally "jerked" brains
I'll take some home for kids to eat
while dodging cold and grainy rains...............................Eyes blurring
..........................................................................................don't care to see more anyway
.........................................................................................breathing shallow and fast
.................................................................................................death will be a blessing in this hell

One of my litter looks real strange
his head is bulged and kinda large
world order by his seed will change
my grandkids will be the next in charge........................That damned rat
............................................................................................going to outlive
......................................................................................................us
...........................................................................................................all------

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I finally brought this back from old site
Editing stage: 

Comments

"Do something different Stan."
"Push the envelope Stan."

Did you have to shred the damn envelope? They're expensive.
This is outrageous and actually is something like what I will do in book three of my epic. Tell two related stories at the same time.
I don't know about a workshop. It looks far too difficult, but let's see what others say.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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did this years ago before you came here. I was doing a lot more experimenting back then lol. As to a workshop on this form, I suspect the difficulty in posting will prevent that and also likely prevent this form from ever being written by anybody else lol. I Did write another of these but it's still only on paper and in the mists into which the big neo crash disappeared. BTW be careful what you ask for pmsl.....stan

author comment

Almost like Arabic verses written for theatre drama. But it IS a pain since Neo doesn't allow aligning right and left without these distracting dots.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Was written right before the big site crash a few years back when neo allowed this type post without the.........for spacing. I Can see where this type thing could involve even more than 2 characters and thus more than 2 story lines but that could Really be confusing.........stan

author comment

Very innovative write and form from one who is creative...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I try to stretch myself once in a while by trying something way out of my comfort zone. Wes was chiding me about writing too much in the same manner and subject so I brought this one back from old site just to show him I'm not a one trick poet lol. Thanks for taking the time to wade through a form which requires a bit of effort on behalf of the reader........stan

author comment
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