Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

If

If I start to push away, just know its because you were perfect.
If I stop talking, its because you started to understand me a little to well.
If I start to become distant, just know its because I can't handle all the feelings and expectations you come with.
It started to become more than sex for you, you wanted to make me feel again..
why? what more do you want? I thought my body was enough?

I have no love to offer..
I have nothing left..
just stay in this moment with me and after you can go..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I'm not sure that you don't have anymore to give. I think that it is more that you don't wish to be hurt again. A common enough thing. "Hey what?" Me common? You don't know me! Yeah, yeah; something I've heard so many times. I do understand though. You have gathered all the thoughts, and asked all the questions. A really succinct piece of work that belies your youthful status. The only real criticisms here are that you need another [o] in the "little too well" and the capitalization of why?
I'm liking your style and and hope that we see more of you in the future! ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I generally liked this poem. I'm no expert in the writing department as I haven't been in the community long, but I feel like this is a great start to a poem- but it doesn't feel complete. I love the rhetorical questions and the angsty longing at the end, but I feel like maybe you could use one more question at the very end? It's just a suggestion, but otherwise, I really like this poem.

"To fly is to fall."

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.