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i promise you i'm trying
before i start, i promise you i'm trying
doing my best to see that silver lining
telling myself to just keep on fighting
yet most of the time i only feel like crying
seeing the texts but it’s too hard replying
doing anything these days is just so tiring
the constant running thoughts are exhausting
someone help me, my brain is frying
my anxieties seem to be multiplying
the only way to cope is to go into hiding
no escape from the panic i feel rising
lies so loud and big there’s no point denying
the memories are always there, always firing
can’t think straight anymore when deciding
each day is a mountain that i’m climbing
i can’t hold on, help me i’m sliding
my fault, they’re implying
the incident, not surprising
not consistent, so complying
need to learn the art of defying
his intentions, it’s just liking
too sensitive, stop your sighing
God won’t help, don’t be relying
ongoing pain, they’re supplying
i promise you, i promise that i'm trying
but my mental state just keeps on declining
these thoughts inside my head are terrifying
i honestly feel like who i was is dying
if i answered “i’m okay”, well i’m lying
but doing this makes it easier surviving
so i'll cover it up and keep on smiling
cause i promised you that i’d keep trying
but its so damn hard to keep on trying
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words:
symbolism in this poem:
- lowercase: felt small and powerless in the situation.
- all words rhyming with trying: repetitive like every day to me, present tense as its a current struggle.
this piece was written 6 weeks after a traumatic physical sexual harassment incident and how it has physically and mentally affected me since. thank you for taking the time to read it x
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2021-07-18 14:39
Sorry to hear...
of your sexual harassment. It can't be an easy thing to deal with. I can understand the need to try and resolve it in your mind.
Keep trying and remember that it is not your fault! Since there is nothing that I would say about changing anything, I will leave you with the thought; that it takes time to feel better and you don't have to do it as fast as you can. Keep writing, but don't let it define who you are! ~ Geezer.
.
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