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I need help

Submitted by Charina on Thu, 2022-06-16 00:00

I can't survive this,
If I leave,
I know he's going to be pissed,
He walks through the door and
Gives me a kiss,
I can't keep going on like this,
I need help,
I pray to God every night,
I need your strength ,
To help me through this,
Oh God I want this to end,
I need help,
I can't survive this,
Prison I'm in

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Neopoem Of The Week Contest June 12 to 18 2022

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2022-06-16 05:17

dear Charina,

I've been in your shoes, lived this life...before you go, make sure that you have somewhere to go to. even the police department can direct you to a safe-house. your poem is poignant, this reader feels your pain!

in this line: I prayed to God every night(s), remove the "s"

welcome to Neopoet, it is nice to meet you. good luck on the contest.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Charina

Thu, 2022-06-16 10:05

Hi

Thank you
I didn't realize there was an S at the end of it.. thank you tho

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2022-06-16 06:42

Hopefully...

you are out of that situation! If not, take the advice of Cat and make sure you have a safe place to go and get! Your language
use is fine and the pattern somehow gives it strength to make it seem as though the days and nights blend together. Just one long wish to be free. You have mixed your tenses, " I [prayed] to God every night. Even if you have left the situation, I would use [pray]. I can see this as a flashback. Good luck and welcome to Neopoet. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Charina

Thu, 2022-06-16 10:08

Hi Geezer

I have in fact left this situation. It's been 8 years.. it is hard to leave a situation like that.. thank you for your advice.. I will change prayed to pray.

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2022-06-16 12:26

I can't wait...

to see something in a more light-hearted manner from you. Again, welcome to the Family of Poets. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Thu, 2022-06-16 23:00