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Hot Love

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Wed, 2023-09-13 11:02

Our love, beside the sea did blaze,
burnt off the mist and violet haze.
A scorching golden ball of fire:
strong summer sun of deep desire
that torched the rainbow, (made us bleed-
cruel colours!) Then it did proceed
to crucify that evil, red.
( blood-spattered petals we’d both shed)
Then hearts, once broken, bled and bruised
did forge in flames until they fused
as one – as they were yesterday.
Cold colours now all drained away
to leave an incandescent glow
that melted sorrow’s ice and snow.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
an attempt at a love sonnet
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-09-13 17:03

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Hot Love" effectively captures the intensity and passion of a love affair. The use of vivid imagery, such as "burnt off the mist and violet haze" and "scorching golden ball of fire," creates a strong visual impact. The poem also employs symbolism, with the rainbow representing a source of pain and the hearts symbolizing resilience and unity.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the consistency of the metaphor throughout the poem. In the beginning, the love is described as a blazing fire, but later it is referred to as a crucifixion and then as hearts that fuse together. While these images individually convey powerful emotions, they may create some confusion for the reader. Clarifying the central metaphor and maintaining its presence throughout the poem could enhance its overall coherence.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the emotional journey of the speaker. The transition from broken hearts to fused ones is briefly mentioned, but delving deeper into the process of healing and transformation would add

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Geezer

Wed, 2023-09-13 15:54

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I like, and I like that! Nice to see some use of classic forms.
I think it proves why they are classic.
The rhythm and patterns lend a lot to the mood of
this piece. If you have done this well after only one attempt...
Nicely done sir, ~ Geez.
.

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Lavender

Wed, 2023-09-13 21:15

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I love sonnets! :) This is fairly traditional with the 3 quatrains and the couplet at the end. The rhythm is really tight with an 8 syllable count, and the aabb rhyme pattern is lovely, logical, and unforced. The enjambment flows so well - really impressive. Very touching ending. May I ask, 5th line - who/what is "them" referring to? I'm a bit lost there...
Beautiful sonnet!
L

Blue-eyed Bolla

Thu, 2023-09-14 06:24

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Thank you - for your insight. Them should read Us. Again, thanks for your feedback.

KBloor

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2023-09-14 20:21

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A passionate sonnet!
L

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