Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Half Past Midnight
Half past midnight on this black night.
All is quiet, perhaps too quiet, as a little
noise might be a welcome diversion.
Your pillow resting just below the sill,
still unoccupied as it has been for
three long weeks, nearly four.
Your letter, just two short lines,
said you needed space but you
would phone. The wait continues.
I don't know where you are and
I'm not sure you know either.
Patience is a virtue; but not mine.
Just one short call and only
one question you need to ask;
"How are the kids?" Damn you.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Fortunately not my story but the story of a dear friend.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
ID
Favorite Poets
My favorite poets are:, Kahill Gibran, Rod McKuen
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-02-02 17:41
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Half Past Midnight," effectively uses imagery and emotion to convey a sense of longing and frustration. The use of time and silence in the first stanza sets a somber mood, which is further intensified by the mention of the unoccupied pillow and the waiting for a phone call.
However, the transition from the third to the fourth stanza could be smoother. The sudden introduction of the speaker's impatience seems abrupt and might benefit from a more gradual build-up.
The final line, "How are the kids? Damn you," is impactful, but it might be more effective if the anger is hinted at earlier in the poem. This would provide a more balanced emotional arc and make the ending less surprising.
The poem could also benefit from a more consistent use of rhythm and meter. While free verse can be effective, the inconsistent rhythm here can sometimes detract from the overall flow of the poem.
Lastly, the poem might benefit from more show, less tell. Instead of directly stating "Patience is a virtue; but not mine," the speaker's impatience could be shown through actions or imagery. This would allow the reader to infer the speaker's character and emotions, making the poem more engaging.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-02-02 15:35
Dear Will,
I am very sorry for your friend. I hope his story resolved itself in a non violent outcome? How is He or she? they have a good friend in you! I found my second husband in bed with my best friend. They married eventually. I let him pay for the divorce. good poem!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
William Lynn
Fri, 2024-02-02 17:48
Hi Cat.
Hi Cat.
The situation unfortunately did not work out the way he had hoped. The good news is he got sole custody of the kids and they are doing great. The mother, a certified snake, has never called or seen the kids, although she would be welcome to do so.
Thanks for reading and I hope hubby #2 is still paying, but that's just me. I am not a very forgiving person. Maybe I'll be better in the next life.
Be well. - Will
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2024-02-02 17:58
Dear Will,
I heard that #2 became junkie...I could not have handled that well...I met Steven after I got my associates degree. So things worked well for Steven and I :)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Fri, 2024-02-02 20:02
This brings to mind...
a song that was popular in Country Western music in the late 70's. "You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Lucille".
A well told story, for sure! Nice job. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
William Lynn
Fri, 2024-02-02 20:50
Howdy Geez. Tanks for the
Howdy Geez. Tanks for the read and for commenting. Thanks also for the reminder of Kenny Rogers and the song. Indeed, there may never be a good time but some times are much worse than others.
Thank again, Will
author comment