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Guardian Angel

Submitted by Angelq on Wed, 2012-04-18 05:40

There are angels among us,
The Bible tells us so.
Keeping us save
Wherever we may go.

No one can harm us,
We have nothing to fear.
They will always protect us
When danger is near.

No one can see them.
They can’t answer if we call,
But in your case it’s different
Cause you my guardian angel….I can show to all.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

William Saint George

Wed, 2012-04-18 08:34

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This poem is pretty straightforward, so I'll go right down to a few bits:

"There are angels among us,
The Bible tells us so.
Keeping us SAVE
Wherever we may go"

That looks like a typo. The "save".

The fact that you used punctuation well makes me happy.

The rhyme and rhythm of the poem went on well (for me, at least) till we got to the last line in the final stanza

"No one can see them.
They can’t answer if we call,
But in your case it’s different
Cause you my guardian angel….I can show to all"

I'm thinking it would be better if that last line didn't have to stand out, but then again, it's an opinion. And I'm not too happy with the use of "Cause" there?

Is that a contraction of "because?". It's not so clear. Probably needs an apostrophe.

Besides these, I think this is a cute poem that could be passed on a religious poetry or something of a love poem. Which did you intend?

Thanks for sharing.

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Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-04-18 13:46

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I agree with wst's assesment of your poem. You probably want to change (save to safe) Your flow and rhyming are smooth. Keep on writing and welcome to neopoet!

always, Cat

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weirdelf

Wed, 2012-04-18 22:18

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a lot of them far from true.

I would like to see the aspect of the other person as your angel expanded and the rest diminished. Guardian angels make fine similes and metaphors but lousy beliefs to trust your life to.

cheers,
Jess
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