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Grounded
The ground began to shake
The walls cracked
Dust rained from the ceiling
The light fixture swung just above where I was standing
Frozen,
panicked.
I closed my eyes
and wished it would stop
I even prayed that it would stop
I feel the breeze flow through the broken windows
The rain spraying the floor where I stand
Sirens outside
are a melody
no one ever wants to hear
I planted my feet
begged for survival
and braced for impact.
The sirens drowned out
by the rattling
Cracking
Blowing
It's all so loud!
Just as quickly as it started...
It stopped.
I gained the courage
to open my eyes
only to find nothing.
No light fixture
Roof, walls, windows
Gone
I stand on the shredded floor
and look to the horizon
Why didn't it hurt me?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
I'd love to hear different interpretations.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-02-05 20:51
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Title: Grounded
Review:
The poem "Grounded" effectively captures a moment of intense fear and uncertainty during a natural disaster. The imagery and sensory details used throughout the poem help to create a vivid and immersive experience for the reader. The structure of the poem, with its short lines and fragmented thoughts, adds to the sense of chaos and disorientation.
One aspect that could be strengthened in this poem is the use of figurative language. While the straightforward and descriptive language effectively conveys the physical experience of the earthquake, incorporating metaphors or similes could add another layer of depth and meaning to the poem. For example, comparing the sound of the sirens to a haunting melody or the destruction of the surroundings to a shattered dream could enhance the emotional impact of the poem.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the speaker's emotions and thoughts during the ordeal. While the panic and fear are briefly mentioned, delving deeper into the speaker's internal struggle and reflection could provide a more
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Mon, 2024-02-05 21:55
Grounded
Hello, Kristen,
Interesting! I have two personal reactions to this. One, a literal description of a tornado hitting, as we've all seen the destruction they cause, and read about the miracle survivors. And two, a great mental or emotional fear - illness, death, aging... I think one of the best things about this poem is its thought-provoking title. Very clever!
Thank you!
L
Kristen H.
Mon, 2024-02-05 23:18
Thank you...
so much for your feedback, Lavender! I love your interpretations of this!
Unca Fez
Tue, 2024-02-06 01:56
My First Impression
My first impression was that it was an earthquake. I've never experienced one, but I can imagine what it must be like. Living in the Midwest, I have experience with what tornadoes can do, so there is a bit more fear for them than for an earthquake. Translating that kind of fear to an earthquake allows me to feel the emotions your poem exposes.
Thanx,
Steve
Kristen H.
Tue, 2024-02-06 08:44
Thank you...
for your feedback, Steve! I have yet to experience an earthquake but I'm sure I would be absolutely terrified. Tornados and hurricanes, I am no stranger to. They're scary but somehow you just get used to them being around.
Clentin
Sat, 2024-02-10 12:48
I liked your poem because it
I liked your poem because it expresses true emotions to a natural disaster.
I can’t imagine the structures that protect us daily could in a matter of minutes disappear
Good poem
Kristen H.
Sat, 2024-02-10 13:26
Thank you...
Very much, Clentin! I appreciate your feedback!