Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Granny's Kitchen...

Submitted by Geezer on Mon, 2023-12-11 17:00

Nicotine yellow tin ceilings
dark cupboards, blue-white table top
I see them now, in my dreams
with the love that never stopped

Gran's kitchen shared with aunt Kitty
The smell of something sweet
swing music from the radio
the gentle tapping of her feet

My world was there, heart of the house
or in the dry grass of the yard
I have lunch on the porch with my sissy
she falls asleep; from playing too hard

The seasons passed thru Gran's kitchen
the second floor door let them through
Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter scenes
all right there, just for me and you

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Workshop: 
Earn A Poem Workshop 1
Contest: 
12/23 Granma's Kitchen
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-12-11 23:00

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "Granny's Kitchen," effectively utilizes sensory imagery to evoke a sense of nostalgia and warmth. The vivid descriptions of the kitchen, the smells, the music, and the seasons passing through the door all contribute to creating a vivid and engaging setting. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, as the current structure can feel somewhat disjointed.

The poem could also benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the emotions and experiences associated with the kitchen. While the poem does a good job of setting the scene, it could delve deeper into the narrator's feelings and memories associated with the kitchen to further engage the reader and add emotional depth.

Finally, the use of colloquial language, such as "Gran" and "sissy," adds a personal touch to the poem, but it may be beneficial to provide a bit more context or explanation for readers who may not be familiar with these terms. This could be done subtly through the use of additional descriptive language or imagery.

Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and with some refinement, it could be even more engaging and emotionally resonant.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Unca Fez

Tue, 2023-12-12 17:47

Unca Fez's picture

I can see it in my mind's eye. I remember ceilings like that. Your description is vivid. I am glad that you had a grandma like that. Everyone should.

Thanx,
Steve

Geezer

Tue, 2023-12-12 22:46

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I was fourteen when she passed away, and I was devastated. She was a big part of my life until then. I didn't get to see her after she had her heart attack, which was when she went to live at my Aunt Jean's house. She lived another couple of years and then passed. But I have all those memories of her and her love. Yes, everyone should have a grandma that is a member of the Most Holy Grandmother's Club. Thanks for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-12-12 17:55

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

Steven is giving me the eye which means: "Get off the computer for dinner!!!"

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Tue, 2023-12-12 22:50

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

Go and eat, you do not want to piss off the cook! Wendy is the same way with me. When dinner is done, you better be ready to eat. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-12-13 06:59

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

I am back...
One thing I noticed right off was the music running like a thread woven through a tapestry. I see that you got a lot of traits from your Gran. That is so cool! She must have loved and doted on you. I can see the devotion in your words! My favorite lines are:

Gran's kitchen shared with aunt Kitty
The smell of something sweet
swing music from the radio
the gentle tapping of her feet

I really like your gentle rhyming pattern, which I did not realize until my second read through!

My Really wonderful Gran was paternal, in the "Wright" pantheon ! the other (maternal) gran was crap on toast.!

*Thanks for the entertainment, love & hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Wed, 2023-12-13 10:37

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

also was on the paternal side; I never knew my mom's, as both of her parents died within a year or two of each other and she and 3 siblings were adopted out to a big farming family in order to keep them all together. Her oldest sister was lost to them, as she was of age to be on her own, and Mom searched for her until she was convinced that she surely was dead. Her sister was 4 years older, and my mom was in her late 80's. My mom passed away last year at 95. Thank you as always, for your interest in my work and my family. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-12-13 11:15

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

I am sorry for your loss. She raised a really great "Guy!" you are still loved.

*Hugs and wonderful wishes, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Leslie

Sat, 2023-12-23 00:30

Leslie's picture

My memories reveal scenes of my dads mom standing in
the street after vacation waving goodbye while crying,
because we were leaving. the best things about her were
her soft voice, never chiding or taking away my choices.
The only thing she said in admonition was to good in
school. I could say more but it's enough to say that she
too must have belonged to "the most holy grandmas
club. Great job thanks for reminding me of a sweet woman

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.