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GOOD AND BAD

Every little extra pound
is good to have when winds blow cold
they're not so great to have around
when summer comes or one grows old

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Bet ya'll thought I'd forgotten how to write something short lol............stan
Editing stage: 

Comments

If I got the idea right, it reads almost like the famous saying "save your white penney for the black day" yet I am not sure about the last part of the last verse, it lreads a bit forced but it might be only me.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I think you might have the pounds here confused with British pounds lol. Try rereading it with pounds meaning extra weight and see if it makes more sense lol. Appreciate your dropping by...............stan

author comment

Of course, I should have given it a deeper thought. Now I think this reflects Stan's sense of humor really well
mmm till now I think I'm well satisfied with my weight.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Trust you with this minimalist attitude to bring up something to really hurt us old folk LOL.
Now write it as a senryu 5-7-5 and then I think I may believe you, or as the seasons are mentioned a Haiku..
Yours as always Ian.T
eg:-
Fat our winters warm
Our old ages burden of scorn
Hot Summer times bane

Cooking on Gas rotflmao, Yours Sparrow xxxx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I apologize for such a late response. I don't know how I missed this comment. I know this was written tongue in cheek with no intent to hurt anybody especially a fellow codger lol.............stan

author comment

Fat our winters warm
Our old ages burden of scorn
Hot Summer times bane

loved

beautiful
have fat no more
than she would .............

loved

Not a Haiku. Just a short Rhyku lol............stan

author comment

humor is better that tumor

loved

With your words today, ebony draped with silk
Chiseled features it did display, for me today
Yet to shorten each line is a task of mine
Away with the grotesque creatures of fat
Anorexia can have a big slap for hurting our eyes
Thin and just skin is no good for me to have
I need something to hold onto there's a good lad.why ??

beautiful features
having fat no more, so slim
figuratively sound

Love you lots yours Sparrow having a flutter..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

It always surprises me when I get new comments from doing minor edits and this is no exception. And I agree that too much weight looks better than too little.........stan

author comment
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