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Golden Heart
She's got long, beautiful straight blonde hair
Her big blue eyes just keep pulling you there
She's got a body born within your dreams
She's the definition of beauty, as it seems
My hair is wavy, auburn locks blowing in the wind
My eyes are a green that's far from a heaven send
My body is an hourglass, but I hate the way I look
I'm far from the model, the reason your world shook
Her laugh is like honey, her nails perfect and straight
Mine are dull, chipped from those workouts she hates
She relies on you to protect her if things go for the worst
I stand guard for others, my preparation is rehearsed
She looks to you to make the decisions she can't make
I'll step up and take charge when everything is at stake
The slightest insult makes her cry, just so you'll feel bad
It takes a world-rocking devastation to make me sad
My skin isn't perfect and beautiful, I've got a scar or two
But only because I did the things she wasn't willing to do
Her hair is flawless, her makeup always perfect in place
Catch me at my worst, mascara is running down my face
I know she's just perfect and I'm just the girl you always knew
I know she loves you, but would she really give her life for you?
Love isn't love unless you're willing to sacrifice from the start
It's not about who you are, but what's inside that Golden Heart
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-09-02 07:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Golden Heart," presents a contrast between two characters, which is a compelling narrative device. The use of this technique helps to highlight the differences in personality and physical attributes between the two subjects. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of these differences.
The poem's rhythm and rhyme scheme are consistent, which aids in readability and flow. Yet, the poem's meter could be improved. There are lines with varying syllable counts, which can disrupt the rhythm. For instance, the line "My body is an hourglass, but I hate the way I look" has more syllables than most other lines. Adjusting the syllable count to be more consistent across the poem would enhance the rhythm.
The poem effectively uses imagery to describe the two characters, but it could benefit from more varied and unique descriptions. For example, the line "Her big blue eyes just keep pulling you there" uses a common trope of blue eyes being attractive. Using less conventional descriptions could make the poem more distinctive and engaging.
The theme of self-worth and comparison to others is clear and relatable. However, the poem could delve deeper into the emotional impact of these comparisons. The line "I know she's just perfect and I'm just the girl you always knew" hints at a deeper emotional struggle, but the poem could further explore these feelings.
The ending line "It's not about who you are, but what's inside that Golden Heart" effectively summarizes the poem's message. However, the term "Golden Heart" could be introduced earlier in the poem to strengthen this conclusion. This would create a stronger connection between the poem's title and its content.
Overall, the poem effectively uses contrast and imagery to convey its message. With some adjustments to the rhythm, descriptions, and emotional depth, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Sat, 2023-09-02 17:17
Golden Heart
Hello, Shelby,
A clever poem! The language flows really well, and the comparisons are intriguing. Creative! I did trip up a bit with the last stanza...seems a bit too wordy. But the meaning in the last two lines says it all!
Thank you,
L
Shelby Pryor
Sat, 2023-09-02 17:51
Lavender
Thank you so much! I wrote this piece a long time ago about a boy I liked who didn't exactly share my feelings. I'm so grateful it flows well!
William Lynn
Sun, 2023-09-10 21:40
Well done! Congratulations.
Well done! Congratulations.
Shelby Pryor
Mon, 2023-09-11 14:10
William Lynn
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
Leslie
Sun, 2023-09-24 21:21
Golden Heart
We all feel opposition to one degree or another. Our strengths and weaknesses conglomorate leaving us anxious and forsaken. Comparisons and discord within our own miscommunications leed us along, until we break and see with crystal vision. Guiding our broken hearts to peace and self forgiving. I thought it was a wonderful poem! Great work!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Leslie
Sun, 2023-09-24 21:21
Golden Heart
We all feel opposition to one degree or another. Our strengths and weaknesses conglomorate leaving us anxious and forsaken. Comparisons and discord within our own miscommunications leed us along, until we break and see with crystal vision. Guiding our broken hearts to peace and self forgiving. I thought it was a wonderful poem! Great work!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Leslie
Sun, 2023-09-24 21:21
Golden Heart
We all feel opposition to one degree or another. Our strengths and weaknesses conglomorate leaving us anxious and forsaken. Comparisons and discord within our own miscommunications leed us along, until we break and see with crystal vision. Guiding our broken hearts to peace and self forgiving. I thought it was a wonderful poem! Great work!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Shelby Pryor
Tue, 2023-09-26 18:32
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your kind words and support! I really appreciate it!