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goddess gaze

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Tue, 2023-04-25 12:07

When Zephyrus’ winds blew her to shore,
new-born from ocean deep.
She breathed such beauty, love and grace
that gods began to weep.

Her gentleness and dignity,
with beauty, mixed and merged.
On wistful waves she swept ashore,
no more to be submerged.

Her hair was long and wrapped around
her body that was bare.
She cast no shadow on the sand,
which made the locals stare.

The fisherfolk forsook their nets
to follow where she led.
But first they knelt and bowed their heads.
(The fearful had all fled.)

Then as she trod the golden beach,
the children danced and sang.
And in the sleepy, sun-kissed town
the ancient church bells rang.

And as Aeolus set, she kissed
her face with dying rays.
and Venus smiled, as darkness died
before her goddess gaze.

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Last few words: 
my 'hymn' to the goddess Venus
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Tue, 2023-04-25 12:07

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Overall, "goddess gaze" is a well-crafted poem that transports the reader to a dreamy, mythical world. The use of alliteration and assonance throughout the poem creates a musical quality that is pleasing to the ear. The imagery is also vivid, particularly in the descriptions of the goddess and her surroundings. The final stanza is particularly striking, with its personification of the sun and Venus smiling before the goddess's gaze.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could benefit from some revision. For example, the line "no more to be submerged" feels a bit awkward and could be rephrased for smoother flow. Additionally, the poem could benefit from a clearer sense of narrative or structure. While the individual stanzas are well-crafted, the overall story or message of the poem is not entirely clear.

One suggested line edit could be to change the line "no more to be submerged" to "never to be submerged", which flows more naturally and emphasizes the permanence of the goddess's arrival on shore.

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