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Glimmers
Glimmers is that all I deserve?
Happiness given and taken away in a glance, as if it was never truly there.
These fleeting moments of euphoria, sharply & promptly replaced by irrevocable devastation, manifesting its hold on me like a cancer growing.
Drawing its power prolific emotions, gaining in strength with every word spoken, and dragging me under, like undercurrents, ripping away every shred of happiness ever felt, eventually pulling you into the dark engulfing abyss of Disappointment, sadness and heartbreak.
Unlike happiness they follow me around like a plague, that’s no cure and unrelenting in its conviction, crippling me in its grip, never letting me go.
Do I not deserve more than a glimmer?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
have at it guys, just something that came to me form my emotions
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Fri, 2022-06-10 07:41
I was intriqued...
by your choice of title. I had to go look up the actual meaning of [glimmer], so that I was sure of the intent here. Your interpretation of the word, is right at the very edge in the way that you have used it. Not that it is wrong, but it was not how I would have written the piece. That said; you have written about emotions that we all have experienced at one time or another.
The reader can sympathize and connect with the work. In the line "eventually pulling [you] into the dark..." I would suggest that you change the personification to [me]. Your poem shines a light into the dark abyss of anxiety and the hurt inflicted on a person by negative comments. I think it might be a little more effective if it were formatted a bit differently; maybe arrange it into as equal lines as possible and presented in a more vertical manner. That is the way that poetry is most often written, and it makjes it easier to read.
Welcome to Neopoet! I hope that your journey here is filled with fun and you improve your skills in the manner that you wish. ~ Geezer.
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Jackweb
Fri, 2022-06-10 22:22
Hello dear poet!
Poetry is literature written in stanzas and lines that use rhythm to express feelings and ideas. Poets will pay particular attention to the length, placement and grouping of lines and stanzas. This is called form.
This is how your poem should be placed:
Glimmers is that all I deserve?
Happiness given and taken
away in a glance,
as if it was never truly there.
These fleeting moments of euphoria,
sharply & promptly replaced by irrevocable devastation, manifesting its hold on me
like a cancer growing.
Drawing its power prolific emotions,
gaining in strength with every word spoken, and dragging me under,
like undercurrents,
ripping away every shred of happiness ever felt, eventually pulling you into the dark engulfing abyss of Disappointment,
sadness and heartbreak
Welcome to neopoet!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-06-11 05:06
dear poet,
you have been given some good advice from those who have come before me. I like your poem very much. I do hope you take the advice you have been given. your ideas are really outstanding!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.