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The Glamour Fell On Him
Love who were you
To this fallen tomb
Only I that without grave
May ask you
Was there some battle
To which you were a spirit
That you lay deathless
Without ease
Who was your tormentor
Who invokes the rivers rage
The heavens vengeful thundering
The earths restlessness
The beasts pity
Who was your love
And where might she be found
Beyond the skys limits
Or beneath the sacred ground
A whispering soul by night
And by day an amber ring of light
Her hungered soul
To the hall of saints
And laments are keened
Only in the fullness of summer
Did you dream of her
in the heat of war
was she your inspiration
a lovers touch that lingered
stirring blood in fight for liberation,
did she whisper softly as canon roared
her words a sweet seduction
a promise of the spoils of war
a feast to quell a timeless,
a relentless thirst for freedom.
Was she pretty as the girls I dream
with fire for hair and skin so fair
birdlike whisperings in lilting tunes
as she swept along in meadows sweet
did she impart from tender heart
the secrets of your fate
that given time, and many a fight
many heroes laid to rest,
your land would dance to its own tune,
invaders truly vanquished.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
This piece should truly be on the Neopoet page of my precious friend the amazing poet "Dalton" as he conceived the idea and wrote the first two verses, he honored me by inviting me to write the additional verses and by letting me post it here .I was inspired by his lines and together in a collaboration that was a joy to be a part of we created a piece that sits within the genre of Aisling {Irish for dream } poetry ,the traditional Irish poem where a person is visited in dreams by a female who imparts some information on their fate, in political versions on the fate of their country ,these poems date from the 17th Century with Aogan O Rahilly being the most famous of the early Aisling poets , poems in the genre include Gile na Gile {Brightness of Brightness}and poems like My Dark Rosaleen by James Clarence Mangan which speaks of Irelands destiny in her fight for freedom using the Aisling / dream sequence .Writing this as natural pacifists in the ancient Aisling genre around rebellion and fight for freedom we feel it also echoes sentiments of more modern poets and lyricists who recognise the search for freedoms and equality as timeless and ever present in the hearts of man.
Again I will say thanks to my precious friend Dalton / John for affording me the privilege of sharing in creating this piece, hopefully we may write together again
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-05-02 08:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem presents a narrative that is rich in imagery and emotion, effectively engaging the reader's senses and evoking a sense of longing, love, and conflict.
The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter to enhance its musicality and flow. For example, the lines "Who was your tormentor / Who invokes the rivers rage" have a different rhythmic feel compared to "Did you dream of her / in the heat of war".
The poem also uses a variety of metaphors and similes, such as "a lovers touch that lingered / stirring blood in fight for liberation," which effectively convey the intensity of the speaker's feelings. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of figurative language to create a more cohesive and immersive experience for the reader.
The poem's structure could also be improved for clarity. The poem seems to shift between different perspectives and settings, which can be confusing for the reader. A more consistent narrative structure could help to guide the reader through the poem's narrative and themes.
Lastly, the poem's themes of love, conflict, and longing are compelling and emotionally resonant. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of these themes to add depth and complexity to the narrative. For example, the poem could delve more deeply into the speaker's feelings of longing and the reasons for their conflict.
In conclusion, this poem has a strong emotional core and uses vivid imagery and metaphor to convey its themes. With some adjustments to its rhythm, use of figurative language, structure, and thematic exploration, it could be further enhanced.
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