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The Girl from Yesterday

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Tue, 2023-09-26 10:39

Thanks to a loving heart that beat for me,
I stand unfettered now, by love set free.
The girl I owe this debt to I can’t pay,
for she belongs to yonder yesterday.

From deep inside my long-forgotten past,
where paths were paved with thorns and pain was vast,
she shed her love, like leaves, in springtime’s youth,
a stream that flowed with kindness, love and truth.

But she, with holy healing in her wing,
was cursed to haunt my past, where she did sing
sweet songs that stilled the siren’s savage strain,
but died, like spring, yet could not live again.

This loving heart no longer beats for me,
as I stand tall, unfettered now and free.
But in my heart she’ll never fade away:
the one I've deemed the girl from yesterday.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
kind of a romantic/tragic style thing
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-09-26 16:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Girl from Yesterday" captures a sense of longing and nostalgia for a past love. The imagery and language used effectively convey the emotions and themes of the poem. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.

Firstly, consider varying the sentence structure and rhythm throughout the poem. While the consistent use of rhymed couplets creates a pleasing flow, it can also make the poem feel predictable. Experimenting with different line lengths or incorporating enjambment could add more dynamism to the overall structure.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the speaker's relationship with the girl from yesterday. What specific memories or experiences contribute to the speaker's feelings of indebtedness? Providing more concrete details or anecdotes could help deepen the emotional impact of the poem.

Lastly, consider revisiting the phrase "the girl from yesterday" in the final stanza. While it serves as the title and recurring motif, it might be more impactful to introduce a fresh perspective or insight

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2023-09-26 12:01

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Hello!
Very romantic, and tragic. Very nice. This flowed so well. Some wonderful alliteration within, and although the rhyme holds fairly simple language, it added sincerity and much tenderness to the poem. I do have one suggestion: when I read "she shed her love", it felt related to falling leaves instead of fresh, blooming leaves. Maybe add another inspiring "un" word in there? Perhaps "unfurled" or something similar? I realize you'd have to play around a bit to get your 10 syllable count. Just a suggestion. Beautifully romantic.
Thank you,
L

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