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Free To Be Me

Submitted by Chef Don on Wed, 2017-01-11 06:24

I am free to be me cause that's all I can be.
You Live your life each day that goes by.
Never a thought about when you will die.
You think about going to this place and that.
You haven't a clue of whats coming next.

As life goes on and you start to think
where do you go when your life is through.

The grave is so shallow.
Gods creation so deep.
The beauty so awesome no words can I speak.
When I die send me up like a bird in the sky.
Sprinkle me over the world that I love.
Like a crop that's been dusted for more things to grow.

Let me tell you, this is from me.
I'd rather be on a leaf in a tree
then put in a box and sealed in the ground for my body to rot.

I know God is watching and I won't let him down.
I'll be as free as the river the sea and the ground.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The way that I see it. If you can't be you, who can you be
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Chef Don

Thu, 2017-01-12 06:24

Chef Don's picture

Poetic as it is,
the gift of life is just one of his.
He meaning God, gives so much
In return he just wants love

He created the river
Like life so amazing
Always flowing, never slowing
Every rock is a block
causing ripples but never stops

Life can get tough
The river can get rough
But once you get through
Like the river things get smooth

So don't live life for others,
live life for you

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2017-01-12 07:55

Geezer's picture
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your sometimes use of rhyme. I'm guessing that you are a "rapper" I can almost get the rhythm and beat. ~ Geezer

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Chef Don

Thu, 2017-01-12 09:18

Chef Don's picture

I do like the old school rap
Like progress rap has turned to crap.
Like people that sag
Not respecting others
That's really sad

This country use to be united
Now we're divided
Like a fork in the road,
not knowing which way to go.
Knowing neither way will take you home.

You build a new home of such.
Anything like the old
Not so much.
Life goes on or so you hope

author comment
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