Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The fall off ( part 1)
As the leaves turn to gold
And the summer warmth fades away
The world begins to unfold
In a stunning display
The air becomes crisp
And the sky starts to change
As the fall takes its grip
Everything feels rearranged
The trees once so green
Now wear coats of red and orange
A sight to be seen
A transformation so strange
The sun sets earlier
And rises later each day
The nights grow colder
But somehow it's okay
For with the fall comes a beauty
A magical kind of grace
A sense of duty
To slow down life's pace
The hustle and bustle
Of the busy summer days
Now replaced with a rustle
As the leaves fall in a daze
But with the fall off
Comes a sense of loss
For the warm days we've scoffed
And the memories we've tossed
Yet with every falling leaf
Comes a new beginning
A chance for relief
From the heat we've been swimming
With every step we take
On the crunchy ground below
We remember to awake
To this beautiful show
For the fall off
Is not just a season
It's a reminder to scoff
At life's constant reason
To embrace the change
And let go of what was
To find a new range
In all that surrounds us
So let the leaves fall
And the air grow colder
For we will stand tall
And embrace this bolder
For within the fall off
Lies a hidden truth
A reminder to scoff
At life's constant proof
That change is inevitable
But beauty remains
In the fall off
And all its colorful grains
So let us dance
Among the falling leaves
And take a chance
To live life without reprieves
For the fall off
Is a time to let go
To find our soft
And bask in its glow
So as the days grow shorter
And the nights grow long
Let us remember to order
Our lives with a peaceful song
For within the fall off
Lies a bittersweet melody
A symphony of love
And a chance to be free
So when the fall turns to winter
And the world is covered in white
Let us remember to enter
Into this beautiful fight
For the fall off
Is not just a season
It's a reminder to scoff
At life's constant reason.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-04-12 12:53
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The fall off (part 1)" demonstrates a strong understanding of imagery and rhythm, creating a vivid picture of the transition from summer to fall. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and impact.
1. Repetition: The phrase "fall off" is used frequently throughout the poem, which can be an effective tool for emphasis. However, its meaning is not clearly defined, which may confuse readers. Consider clarifying or redefining this phrase to enhance the overall message of the poem.
2. Rhyme and Rhythm: The poem largely adheres to a consistent rhyme scheme, which helps to create a rhythmic flow. However, there are instances where the rhythm is disrupted due to varying line lengths. Consider revising these lines to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout.
3. Theme Development: The poem explores the theme of change and the passage of time, using the transition from summer to fall as a metaphor. While this is effectively communicated in some stanzas, there are others where the connection to the overall theme is less clear. Consider revising these stanzas to more effectively tie them to the central theme.
4. Word Choice: In some instances, the choice of words could be improved to enhance the imagery and impact of the poem. For example, the phrase "to live life without reprieves" could be clarified or replaced with a phrase that more clearly conveys the intended meaning.
5. Punctuation: The poem lacks consistent punctuation, which can make it difficult for readers to follow the intended rhythm and phrasing. Consider adding punctuation to guide the reader through the poem.
Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong understanding of poetic devices and a clear thematic focus. By addressing these areas for improvement, the poem could be further enhanced in terms of clarity, impact, and overall cohesion.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
Sun, 2024-04-14 04:14
I loved this!
Simple, crisp and clean. Beautiful!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!