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For Esker

I feel like this is what my dad did
To scared of the world he Just hid
From reality cuz he couldn’t quite hack it
Escaping was always his tactic

Had a good life with a wife and a child
but was too wild
Couldn’t make it worthwhile
So he just fled
Packed his bags and walked away
So close yet far
Double rye and cokes at the bar
To numb the pain
That never really went away
For his actions and child taxes
And defense masks
No one was allowed in

His written words were my scripture
He drew the best three dimensional pictures
This was how he felt heard
what he didn’t say aloud he spoke with pen fused to pad , the keybored a fire under his hand
We all thought he was mad
But no,
just wounded
Heart battered he couldn’t hone in
on what truly happened to him as kid
Being native was a curse
The people who worshiped the earth
He couldn’t help he was birthed
Just wanted love and not hurt

His heritage beat from his bones
He was handed normal clothes and told to just forget his true home
Never getting love or affection only reciving constant crippling rejection
He reverted
and became a self internalizing hermit
Which cemented his impeccable wit
his mother’s pet name for him was “twit”

And when I was young I inherited it thinking “what is a twit” and wishing nan wasn’t so strict
She belittled me and told me my cousins were better even as a kid I didn’t get her
Couldn’t believe dad had to call her mother
I grew up with resentments that I didn’t really get
till I got older and wiser and looked backed in true horror of the childhood endured by my father

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
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Last few words: 
My relationship with my father half expressed into a few bars Of poetry. Be kind Thanks
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Comments

I've known him for years through his
poetry and our interactions, he was so
damn good.
We are all riddled with human failings,
and we are beautiful.

thank you for sharing with us

I only knew Esker's poetry for a year, but there were moments of absolute perfection of the craft and art of poetry:

and if we think
that death is rest
and final end
the one last breath
at least the life
of love thats lost
lives on in us
that lives and walks
and in the spirit
of exchange
that not replaces
but only gains
memory lives
of those remembered
then
for those who
feel the threshold
of the waves
that fall upon the
endless beach
like grains of sand
and precious
shells
while we be carried
in the hearts
when we too
take our time
and felled
by mortal hand
to rest upon
immensities

This is profoundly good poetry. And that was what was important to him. Poetry is an art. Your father was an artist. That gives him a special place in our hearts. All true artists a bit quirky, a bit compulsive, a bit self absorbed.

It is good that you are trying your hand of poetry. Part of the process is confessional,and about honesty. To be honest is one of the most difficult aspects of the process of becoming a poet. It is a process which lasts a lifetime and it will be there for you when you need it most. Having Esker was a good role model for you in this respect, and I hope you continue to read and study poetry.
We are all "better people" for doing so, as poetry will put you in touch with your imagination and the depth of love and respect for life. We were all influenced by his work. It was gift I'm sure you will treasure.
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

cliqued with Esker when I first joined Neopoet. He had that imagistic bravery so rare in poets nowadays.

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